Puzzling

[Kuhlerblynd]

Just like any other piece I have posted up, if you leave feed on this and would like me to return the favor, just leave a link to your piece or the title of the piece you would like me to leave feed on. Thanks!

A break from feeling brave-in-the-streets, stress has been making-me-weak
Decided to pick up a game-, so-to-speak, then began by laying-a-piece
Finding the connection they're aiming-to-meet, where the ridges~unite
Thinking this~is~my~life, but when will I say that the bridge~is~in~sight?
Will the darkness let me sit~in~the~light? I feel this~isn't~right
Many people are there, I'm missing~my~flight and wishing~the~sky
Would open up to the heavens simply~despite I may be headed-for-Hell
Should've listened to teachers and lessons-they-tell, expecting-myself
To do better than reject-it-and-fail, as I pick up one with jagged~edges
Easily finding it's match~in~seconds, then carefully I attach~the~sections
Confused why I refused to grasp~the~message and make smart-choices
Taking apart-forces with knowledge to pass down, and armed-for-it
Never allowing anyone in my heart's-fortress, too many walls~are~built~high
Questioning if I have the balls~to~still~try to get the life of Mr. Wallen~still~right
To push forward with all~of~this~might, I fathom this while I'm sleepless-this-late
My hands continue to get deep-in-this-game as I pu these pieces-in-places
Realizing I'm seeing-their-fate, each~fixture combines to make a sweet~mixture
Flawless the seams-that-are-forever, these pieces-come-together to make a complete~picture...


Maybe I'm learning something after all...

[Synapse]

Dope stuff, Kuhler. Multies and all that were pretty nice. Plenty of great lines in there, it flows nicely, and I happen to like the subject/content. Apologies I ain't got more for ya than that, I'm not the best at criticizing peoples work.

[Kuhlerblynd]

Thanks a lot man... I appreciate the feedback.

[cyanidesyn]

i like tha overall message but ur words seem forced n cluttered maybe cuz its hard 4 me 2 catch ur flow style as i read it i changed tha flow style a couple times 2 c if it would work n i couldnt catch it fast or slow but if this tha style that work 4 u then good shit u hav a unique flow tha overall message is there sum of ur rhymes is so so but wit a verse like this i completely understand cuz i do tha same wit simplistic bars all n all nice drop if u could explain how u spit it it might make alot more sense 2 me but i get tha message ur tryna portray

-- Mon May 07, 2012 6:50 am --

n if u wanna feed sumthin 4 me this would b it 4-tha-sponsors-vt25800.html

[MonuMental]

A break from feeling brave-in-the-streets, stress has been making-me-weak
Decided to pick up a game-, so-to-speak, then began by laying-a-piece
Finding the connection they're aiming-to-meet, where the ridges~unite
Thinking this~is~my~life, but when will I say that the bridge~is~in~sight?

This is a nice opener, man. You come with all the technical qualities you always represent, and I liked how smooth the transition was on the scheme.

Will the darkness let me sit~in~the~light? I feel this~isn't~right
Many people are there, I'm missing~my~flight and wishing~the~sky
Would open up to the heavens simply~despite I may be headed-for-Hell
Should've listened to teachers and lessons-they-tell, expecting-myself

I always take note of how intricately you insert your multies into your pieces. It's one of your strongest points, and it shines through here.

To do better than reject-it-and-fail, as I pick up one with jagged~edges
Easily finding it's match~in~seconds, then carefully I attach~the~sections
Confused why I refused to grasp~the~message and make smart-choices
Taking apart-forces with knowledge to pass down, and armed-for-it

The content is fully representative of the title and the mood is tailored to match. Still ripping it.
Never allowing anyone in my heart's-fortress, too many walls~are~built~high
Questioning if I have the balls~to~still~try to get the life of Mr. Wallen~still~right
To push forward with all~of~this~might, I fathom this while I'm sleepless-this-late
My hands continue to get deep-in-this-game as I pu these pieces-in-places

You've always done well with staying on topic, a definite plus and another one of your strengths. Still ripping it, at this point, bruh. Lol. But of course.

Realizing I'm seeing-their-fate, each~fixture combines to make a sweet~mixture
Flawless the seams-that-are-forever, these pieces-come-together to make a complete~picture...

I love the last two lines, man. They really helped sell this piece for the reader, giving it a head, body, and feet to stand on. Nice work as always, Murk. You're definitely a writer at heart, and I guess it takes one to know one. Lol. Respect and stay up, bruh.

[Alvin]

I skimmed.

This parts forced or improper:
"Would open up to the heavens simply~despite I may be headed-for-Hell"

It either
Would open up to the "heavens simply" <~ which reads improperly

Or
simply despite I may be headed-for-Hell <~ which is also improper... "Simply" being the extra word which doesn't fit other than to complete your multi which is the definition of forced if I'm not mistaking.


That is all for now.

[ Post made via iPhone ]

[Sini]

Dope bars man.. I'm feelin it, you connected all of your bars nicely and never astrayed from the topic for the most part and the multis were decent. A lot of the imagery I'm taking in from this is abstract. It's fine to have abstractness in art. In my opinion you could go deeper into the meaning of your lyrics as to what you're trying to say so you can make a greater connection with your audience. It's written in what I like to call a bird's-eye view; I can picture the setting as a glimpse from afar, but for the most part you skim the water on more globalized details such as "bridge in site".. "headed in hell".. etc. Don't get me wrong. You're not doing anything wrong, this is good! Just like any form of communication, I think you need to open up more ex: explain your metaphor for "hell" or the bridge. You got a lot of potential though and I enjoyed reading this. Keep it up bud peac

[Kuhlerblynd]

Thanks a lot for all the feed and replies. It's very appreciated, and opens up my eyes to some things when it comes to my written pieces...