Cursed

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Haz
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Cursed

Post by Haz »

Could swear it feels like i'm still in class
last cig left.. about to kill the pack
my dutchie dollar bill I'd stash, Bills in fact
and start asking everybody for a dollar
till in my mind that dutchie was Filled with Grass
Can swear i'm still selling to the Weirdo's
Who's going to snitch me out isn't Clear though
Like a dream with Subliminal meaning
dudes don't practice loyalty the rituals scheming..
Climbed out of a pit full of pitbulls
watching the pitiful fiending
seeing things from a higher stance,
my in-hails make weed and fire dance
I greet destiny and admire chance..
encouraging silently like tired chants
I've over thrown havoc caused by chromosome static...
I've cloned a stoned addict who pays for his weed
but doesn't condone his Own habit
Iv'e been quiet for too long
its time for rioting through songs
think i'm dieting? you wrong
I have been too strong to weaken my words
there's no defeating the urge
Say cold turkey then you're speaking absurd
I'm so nice on the mic my inner demons disturbed
Like i'm hitting them with punishment they ain't even deserve
I just seek to grow freely like I dream of reserves
Scream's have occurred... Voices were lost
If your not prioritizing your choices are off
Ensuring Prize in, Glorifying chaos for the rising
you wouldn't hear one person say "that's sure surprising"
God edits lives N people in control of society believe in More revising
Like its life toll, n we're all programmed to be ice cold..
so that's far from horrifying
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cyanidesyn
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Re: Cursed

Post by cyanidesyn »

haz i like this bro u remind me of my mans ckno wit ur flow style ur story tellins unique tha only problem i have wit ppl who write like u is bars like if i spit it id fuck it up cuz its wriiten like a paragraph which by all means do wat helps u but 4 me i cnt distinguish when 1 bar begins n ends but other then that this shit goes hard keep up tha work man hopefully i get 2 hear tha audio 2 this shit

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AntiMaTTer
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Re: Cursed

Post by AntiMaTTer »

Could swear it feels like i'm still in class
last cig left.. about to kill the pack
my dutchie dollar bill I'd stash, Bills in fact
and start asking everybody for a dollar
till in my mind that dutchie was Filled with Grass
like the flow on this but the line "start askin everybody for a dollar" kinda threw me off at first till i read the next line


Can swear i'm still selling to the Weirdo's
Who's going to snitch me out isn't Clear though
you got that real joe budden style. ive said this numerous times in the past but from what ive seen you do that shit well i like how put ur own twist to that style though so its still yours, but using like a Joe budden rhyme template lol

Like a dream with Subliminal meaning
dudes don't practice loyalty the rituals scheming..
Climbed out of a pit full of pitbulls
watching the pitiful fiending
seeing things from a higher stance,
my in-hails make weed and fire dance
I greet destiny and admire chance..
encouraging silently like tired chants
like the metas used, this part here sounds like some good audio lines

I've over thrown havoc caused by chromosome static...
I've cloned a stoned addict who pays for his weed
but doesn't condone his Own habit
nice rhyme scheme here or the ABAB rhyme scheme, im a fan of this style and its something i use a lot
Iv'e been quiet for too long
its time for rioting through songs
think i'm dieting? you wrong
I have been too strong to weaken my words
there's no defeating the urge
Say cold turkey then you're speaking absurd
I'm so nice on the mic my inner demons disturbed
this is cool but i think you could have made that INNER DEMONS line into a sick pun or punch line if you played with the wording some more

Like i'm hitting them with punishment they ain't even deserve
I just seek to grow freely like I dream of reserves
Scream's have occurred... Voices were lost
If your not prioritizing your choices are off
Ensuring Prize in, Glorifying chaos for the rising
you wouldn't hear one person say "that's sure surprising"
again the rhyme scheme is nice with some solid metas, kinda simple metas but they get the point across

God edits lives N people in control of society believe in More revising
Like its life toll, n we're all programmed to be ice cold..
so that's far from horrifying
a solid ending but seems to leave this piece missing something



dont forget, you got a good rhyme scheme but dont sacrifice content for rhyme words. in other words make sure your story makes sense and its cohesive. you can have all the fancy multis in the world etc but it dont matter unless people understand it. not saying this Dosnt make sense just sayin its a little vague. dope written tho fo sure
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leeroi green
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Re: Cursed

Post by leeroi green »

Could swear it feels like i'm still in class
last cig left.. about to kill the pack

i like the opener smoothness about it


Like a dream with Subliminal meaning
dudes don't practice loyalty the rituals scheming..
Climbed out of a pit full of pitbulls
watching the pitiful fiending

this is dope as fuck ill visual deep

I've cloned a stoned addict who pays for his weed
but doesn't condone his Own habit


very nice

overall this is a very nice piece i will break it down better next chance i get
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Enlightend
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Re: Cursed

Post by Enlightend »

i liked this.... lyrics on point... smooth flow as i read it... imagery was also there off and on.... my favorite part was....

seeing things from a higher stance,
my in-hails make weed and fire dance
I greet destiny and admire chance..
encouraging silently like tired chants

shit flowed flawless, setups where nice...
[center]-The Elitists-[/center]
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PyDizZLE21
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Re: Cursed

Post by PyDizZLE21 »

Haz I like ur flow it was pretty consistant through out, only thing that really thru me off as while was the last part like anti had stated but it was a nice read and I also like the ABAB type style you use pretty sick me personally I can't do that but still it's pretty sick suits u well, anyway enjoyed the read write sum more and I'll feed on that carry on sir.

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TreTru
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Re: Cursed

Post by TreTru »

yeah this was a real nice read..
i didnt have a problem with the flo or the content..
Good imagery ..

Like a dream with Subliminal meaning
dudes don't practice loyalty the rituals scheming..
^^
everybody mentioned the other lines i liked but this was pretty ill ...imo

I'm so nice on the mic my inner demons disturbed
Like i'm hitting them with punishment they ain't even deserve
^^^
the concept on this similie was pretty fresh too

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Phasewon
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Re: Cursed

Post by Phasewon »

Dope shit, solid multies, flow was on point, no complaints.

"I have been too strong to weaken my words
there's no defeating the urge
Say cold turkey then you're speaking absurd
I'm so nice on the mic my inner demons disturbed
Like i'm hitting them with punishment they ain't even deserve"

^nice.

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