Part My Passions

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:08 am

Part My Passions

Post by ippiki_17 »

My inner arduous heart's chewing me apart
Argumentative arts spar armed in the marsh
Start carving the carcass of my ardor larger
Passion partners split apart portioning things
That I love is a must but I just can't lust once
With a multi-fascination I hate this feeling now
He'll be out soon to oust who weirds him out
When fears arouse as to which goal I choose
My mold will moon growth will abode and soon
To conclude this I'll also be older too the result
Will be wicked like occultist be cautious all this
Fortune I find in unfortunate events is gorgeous
But it all could end right now my pen might growl
And then bite down onto the sheet who should I be
And do I have to learn should I be a doctor man
Or rapper sir a nurse with a mandible massacre
Or a man with a rapid splurge can I have a word
With myself and my soul and my chi about my flow
My goals my dreams your thoughts my thoughts
Should I leave or dissect every passion inside me ... ml#p184269 ... ml#p184272

User avatar
Lazy Ass
Posts: 802
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 10:25 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 2
No Shows: 1

Re: Part My Passions

Post by Borat »

I would like to see how this sounds when you spitt it. Seemed a bit choppy in some places flow wise... Could just be how it's structured. A few nice lines but overall it seemed like it needed either a lot more put into it or less. Not very good at judging writtens so this is the best I can do, I think if you structure it into bars it would look alot nicer and read better. But keep on writing man I see potential for sure.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.

User avatar
Rap King
Posts: 946
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2011 3:31 am
Wins: 10
Losses: 13
Location: boise, Idaho

Re: Part My Passions

Post by Defiance »

dug the rhyme scheme on this piece.

the flow was popping.

like the inners and outers.

my favorite part was the opener it hit hard

Sound click page ... dID=918703

One of Illestlyrics Best Collaborators 2011

User avatar
Hairy Scoundrel
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: Part My Passions

Post by MonuMental »

I'd have to say I loved the vocab, for the most part. I felt the flow fell off on some of those non rhyming end lines. Other than that, you did your thing. Stay up, keep elevating.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]


Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests