Part My Passions

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ippiki_17
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Part My Passions

Post by ippiki_17 »

My inner arduous heart's chewing me apart
Argumentative arts spar armed in the marsh
Start carving the carcass of my ardor larger
Passion partners split apart portioning things
That I love is a must but I just can't lust once
With a multi-fascination I hate this feeling now
He'll be out soon to oust who weirds him out
When fears arouse as to which goal I choose
My mold will moon growth will abode and soon
To conclude this I'll also be older too the result
Will be wicked like occultist be cautious all this
Fortune I find in unfortunate events is gorgeous
But it all could end right now my pen might growl
And then bite down onto the sheet who should I be
And do I have to learn should I be a doctor man
Or rapper sir a nurse with a mandible massacre
Or a man with a rapid splurge can I have a word
With myself and my soul and my chi about my flow
My goals my dreams your thoughts my thoughts
Should I leave or dissect every passion inside me
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http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/say-g ... ml#p184272

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Borat
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Re: Part My Passions

Post by Borat »

I would like to see how this sounds when you spitt it. Seemed a bit choppy in some places flow wise... Could just be how it's structured. A few nice lines but overall it seemed like it needed either a lot more put into it or less. Not very good at judging writtens so this is the best I can do, I think if you structure it into bars it would look alot nicer and read better. But keep on writing man I see potential for sure.

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Defiance
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Re: Part My Passions

Post by Defiance »

dug the rhyme scheme on this piece.

the flow was popping.

like the inners and outers.

my favorite part was the opener it hit hard
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MonuMental
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Re: Part My Passions

Post by MonuMental »

I'd have to say I loved the vocab, for the most part. I felt the flow fell off on some of those non rhyming end lines. Other than that, you did your thing. Stay up, keep elevating.
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