Untitled

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
Soulo
Potential Emcee
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 7:04 pm

Untitled

Post by Soulo »


[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyC5rlIuK4g[/video]

First I feel annoyed and bothered,
I awoke from slumber to a world devoid of colors
where people destroy each other
and make it their choice to suffer
I stopped the noise to raise the voice of wonder
shouting "remember me" but no one ever mentions me
so I live off the memories of cut-throat dependency
sharp with brevity; in a world that's turned upside-down
we're all descendants of a darker necessity
and often I find myself repressing me
cause my own enemy has tendencies to bring out the best in me
I found new blood for longer life expectancy
to pass with flying colors when God is testing me
people say I'm crazy, well maybe, but take a minute or two
I'm just out of the loop so my brain's different from you
with an aggressive perspective for my lyrics to prove
I speak with a split in my tongue to spit it in 2's
lost in the haze scratching for a pinch of the truth
eyeballs peak through the door of this imprisonment room
I try not to let it bother me but honestly
it's watching me constantly
until I 'cross over' like Constantine
feeling its gaze and I've attempted to flee
from sealing my fate by Heaven's decree
locked up instead of just letting me be
so my tongue tricked the bitch into setting me free...

My delusional approach
consisted of writing self-eulogies to cope
feeling empty got me thinking if humans have a soul
praying for anything even the illusions of a hope
wonder how long could I last? trying to follow this path?
it's all pitch black maybe I'm just talking too fast
but it's hard to kick the same habit
I traded my heart for head from Mary till she got brain damage
now these faggots got me locked in a straight jacket
performing rituals of strange magic creations
cause "you need to fear science not satan"*
with demons in white robes stealing my life's glow
creatures with breaths that were eerie and ice-cold
I keep my eyes closed because there's safety within
I scream but no one hears me from the space that I'm in
cause reality's just another state of mind
simply I met myself in a different place and time...


*Channel Zero - Canibus
Last edited by Soulo on Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
CBK
Rap Assassin
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:21 am
Wins: 9
Losses: 18
No Shows: 1
Contact:

Re: Untitled

Post by CBK »

lyrics are the rhymes are tight the flowis on point an overall this is a dope written.
props man..

try adding another verse or developing this into a longer piece. dope post.keep it up
Last edited by CBK on Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: Untitled

Post by MonuMental »

I wouldn't change a thing about this. I think it's extremely well done, and an enjoyable read. Imma hit you up later with a proper breakdown, I'm at work atm.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

User avatar
RainMan
Novice
Posts: 54
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 11:19 am
Wins: 0
Losses: 0

Re: Untitled

Post by RainMan »

the fuck man?


soulo :
First I feel annoyed and bothered,
I awoke from slumber to a world devoid of colors
where people destroy each other
and make it their choice to suffer

ruckus:


"I'm annoyed with all these days that are devoid of color/
People destroy each other like its our choice to suffer/"


http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/gray-vt14425.html


Pretty sure thats what you guys call biting.

ippiki_17
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:08 am
Contact:

Re: Untitled

Post by ippiki_17 »

Pretty nice and well explained, I liked it a lot your a dope lyricist. Keep that shit up!

User avatar
Alvin
Sudonim Free
Posts: 1956
Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:09 am
Wins: 8
Losses: 3
No Shows: 1
Location: CA

Re: Untitled

Post by Alvin »

SOULO, THIS IS YOUR TIME TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF... SO CHOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY, FOR BITING IS PUNISHABLE.

Soulo
Potential Emcee
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2010 7:04 pm

Re: Untitled

Post by Soulo »

RainMan wrote:the fuck man?

soulo :
First I feel annoyed and bothered,
I awoke from slumber to a world devoid of colors
where people destroy each other
and make it their choice to suffer

ruckus:

"I'm annoyed with all these days that are devoid of color/
People destroy each other like its our choice to suffer/"

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/gray-vt14425.html

Pretty sure thats what you guys call biting.
Not a lot of words rhyme with color brother suffer wonder other and the concepts are not identical.

They told me "keep it real" but I don't know what that is
whether it's being myself or being good at acting
those who mastered it are constantly practicing
so life becomes too much of a hassle to manage it
whatever perspective logically angles can shift
cause actors are helpless till we're handed a script
figure it out when I ask you what's the "meaning of life"?
it's not about the opportunity of being the light
questions like "what is love?" and you think you know
but can you explain what the feeling is like?
it's all chemicals and we're overestimating ourselves
we're hosts to a parasite capable of naming itself
feeling like foreigners living with an alien
within our cranium mere fakers surviving with an alias
so the real question that I'm asking is this
how the fuck do you know what reality is?
cause if a human being spends twenty hours a day sleeping
is it reality for him when he's awake or dreaming?
cause when the DMT starts to seep in
we all become Adam living in the Garden of Eden
it can shift the dimensions of the visions that he's seeing
to the point he can't recognize the world that he's in
meaning there's various things he's perceiving
so in the end there's always a reason
now picture this man raised by different focal points
various social norms that he was told to join
while you were reading textbooks and fucking up in school
he was focused on writing rhymes and rolling joints
now if we incorporate blindness as a factor
then the whole book becomes a new chapter
with an outlook on his life that's beyond simply black and white
shades of gray fade away to nothing in his afterlife
but that means no cloudy days or feeling out of shape
no feeling out of place no feelings of appearance to interfere his ways
no visual influences that can wrap his mind
but at the same time he's feeling so trapped inside
he's a prisoner of mankind serving his time
reality's subjective so check a version of mine:
first I feel annoyed and bothered,
I awoke from slumber to a world devoid of colors
where people destroy each other
and make it their choice to suffer
I stopped the noise to raise the voice of wonder
shouting "remember me" but no one ever mentions me
so I live off the memories of cut-throat dependency
sharp with brevity; in a world that's turned upside-down
we're all descendants of a darker necessity
and often I find myself repressing me
cause my own enemy has tendencies to bring out the best in me
I found new blood for longer life expectancy
to pass with flying colors when God is testing me
people say I'm crazy, well maybe, but take a minute or two
I'm just out of the loop so my brain's different from you
with an aggressive perspective for my lyrics to prove
I speak with a split in my tongue to spit it in 2's
lost in the haze scratching for a pinch of the truth
eyeballs peak through the door of this imprisonment room
I try not to let it bother me but honestly
it's watching me constantly
until I 'cross over' like Constantine
feeling its gaze and I've attempted to flee
from sealing my fate by Heaven's decree
got me locked up instead of just letting me be
so my tongue tricked the bitch into setting me free...
my delusional approach
consisted of writing self-eulogies to cope
feeling empty got me thinking if humans have a soul
praying for anything even the illusions of a hope
wonder how long could I last? trying to follow this path?
it's all pitch black maybe I'm just talking too fast
but it's hard to kick the same habit
I traded my heart getting head from Mary till she got brain damage
now these faggots got me locked in a straight jacket
performing rituals of strange magic creations
cause "you need to fear science not satan"
we both go way back rhyming for ages
about demons in white robes stealing my life's glow
these creatures with breaths that were eerie and ice-cold
I keep my eyes closed because there's safety within
I scream but no one hears me from the space that I'm in
cause reality's just another state of mind
simply I met myself from a different place and time...

This is the full verse that I wrote for this in my digital notebook.

Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests