Hazy Memories

[Orfadox]

Wake Up Not So Fresh,Stale Alcohol On My Breath And My Mind A Blur
Im Alive But Feel Like Death,Whats That Wrote On My Chest? What Did I Do With Her
My Brains Gone Blank,Not Sure How Much I Drank, Why Cant I Remember?
I Dont Know Who To Thank, For Feeling Like I Been Hit By A Tank,What Month We In? December?
I Cant Recall Much Of Last Night, Try As Hard As I Might, Nothing Is Coming Back
Did I Get Into A Fight,All I Know Is I Dont Feel Right,Something On The Bed..Whats That?
Looks Like A Used Condom,What The Fuck? Oh God! Who Was Here Last Night?
And Whos Is The Dog? That Just Decided To Lay A Log, This Shit Aint Right!
My Head Is Spinning, And I Just Cant Stop Yawning, Shit I Feel Rough
Check The Time Quick,Its Still Only 8 In The Morning,Think I Had To Many Sambucca
How Many Photos Have They Took, Cos I Got Notifications On Faceook,Do They Hold Any Clues
Call My Friend Said The Night Was Good,Would Agree If I Could,But I Dont Remember The First Few

[Defiance]

this was strange the 2-1 2-1 flow kinda fucked up the overall flow of the piece, it may be a better worked lyrical structure if the bars were shorter like instead of

"Im Alive But Feel Like Death,Whats That Wrote On My Chest? What Did I Do With Her"

something like

i feel like death, whats that on my chest, what did i do with her

just by shortening the bars with less words it adds better flow

thats just my opinion tho, do you

but i like the out-of-the-box way you went about it

keep writting man

[Shawnmd]

Pretty original, the way everything was structured. It does look like a lot to say every line though. Keep writing though, definetely.

[Orfadox]

Thanks For The Feed And Yeah I Agree Defiance Was Just Trying Out Something New

[Shawnmd]

Can you leave some feedback on this? http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/persi ... 23964.html

[blindeyeent]

was a little hard to follow as in structure wise unless the last rhyme of every line was intentional as in some one talking to themselves...


i love the thought behind the write thow was sick and i can DEFF. relate cuz i go threw a mind state of blurr a lot lmfaoo (not to be proud of)

wasn't too complex which i like cuz too much is nvr a good thing no matter whom you are... (woojibefon)"too much of something is nvr good for ya"



solid 9/10 imo only due to the length on the bars

[QwarterZ]

This was a pretty cool piece bro...somewhat relatable
well...to the point you start doing that crazy shit?
but other then that this was a decent piece, the bars were kinda long
but regardless you did your thing brah

[CBK]

structure wise it was aiight, its flow was slacking tho due to the line length,
dope post tho man just shorten the lines for easier delivery.