11th Hour

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
Sir Kevin O Shea
Rhyme Master
Offline
Posts: 163
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:51 pm
Wins: 8

11th Hour

Post by Sir Kevin O Shea »

The economy world wide is in a bankrupt state
year 2017, depleted sources of food on our plates
ten years ago this was a movie scenario, now its real
morals are weakness now so people plot and steal
rebels dressed in guerilla attire and cocaine wired
words from my blow horn help them remain inspired
numbed from the bullets wetting them like rain showers
nicknamed the 11th hour since midnight pain will devour
each and all of us in a cycle continued from a lesson
of past civilazations that fell but we ignored the message
been fasting for ten days so if they starve I will too
dedicated to my fighters and what we've been through
the elites prepared a machine to create a tsunami
designed to execute the last of our kind probably
the rich man's suicide or a wealthy man's seppuku
while looking at plans I heard "stop or I will shoot you!"
forces well geared charged at us rushing inside
the royal seal of the elites they wore with pride
they were deluted by the promises of making it out
ignoring contradictions that came straight from their mouth
it was a trap to lock us in together for the wave
they wanted to talk but I don't build rapport with slaves
the floor under us rumbled while a wall of water
took the earth's surface over to draw a slaughter.



:dance:

-- Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:20 am --

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/topic ... 23594.html

-- Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:22 am --

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/88sky ... 23320.html
Last edited by Sir Kevin O Shea on Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
[center]Image[/center]

The Elitists:
"We don't diss anymore, we only write songs for charities and Christmas carrols" - Sir 3rd String QB

3rd String QB

Calico

Enlightend

Shazo
Enlightend
Poetically Speaking
Offline
Posts: 430
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:33 am
Wins: 17
Losses: 3
Location: Boston MA

Re: 11th Hour

Post by Enlightend »

wow i missed this... very nice deep well worded piece with great flow... keep up
[center]-The Elitists-[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Offline
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: 11th Hour

Post by MonuMental »

Yeah, this shit was dope. Consistently stayed on topic throughout and had some hot lines which combined to formulate an enjoyable read. Nice drop. Stay up.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
User avatar
Kuhlerblynd
But I See Right Thru You
Offline
Posts: 2724
Joined: Tue Aug 17, 2010 8:04 pm
Wins: 43
Losses: 8
No Shows: 2

Re: 11th Hour

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Man, this was some pretty fuckin deep shit, and you didnt stray from the topic at all. The imagery and pain you painted with your words were really felt and seemed to be telling more than a story, but exactly what the future could have in store for us. You were also able to use a very nice range of vocabulary, and were able to to keep it interesting. I hope this gets more feed, as it deserves more. Nicely done.
--~Murk McNasty~--
Battle WRECKord 42-8
Image
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests