Pirates Vs Cowboys

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
For Real
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 91
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 1:40 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 2

Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by For Real »

Pirates Vs Cowboys
Raising Hell

Through the whimsical woods, the wind whistles at first,
But held down by the hooves clicking, and the jingle of spurs,
The sun bakes against cow hide, denim and steel,
Approaching the coast, the smell of salt fresh on their heels,
The horses trot, their trampling feet irons the leaves,
The ocean's myst gives birth, the horizon conceives,
Skull and bones float with a flag, a pirate ships seen,
It steadily creeps, it's nose cuts and syphens the sea,
The nervious natives collective, no one complacent,
Anticipating and anxious, the beckoning boat is adjacent,
The silence is broken, a single seagul shrieks for a moment,
As it passes, a sound dragged from the depths is stealing the focus,
Sharp reds and yellows litter the sky, succeeding explosion,
A comit tears the atmosphere like a demon or omen,
Instantly, Indian arrows become static and dead,
Strong stallions and steeds, now a panicing mess,
The incomming comit, causing a catastrophic collision,
Several cowboys killed, for the rest, the forest they hid in,
The fear wiped, such synergy, a clean state of mentality,
Anger and a lust to avenge, they began creating their strategy,
They plot to flee to farmiliar plains or this,
Meanwhile, they're in the priates palms as they make a fist,
Branches crack, leaves rustle, and drew their glare,
Thr putrid stentch of sweat and rum pollutes the air,
The victims vacate the vicinity and venture to open land,
On the way, gathering supplies from an explosives cache,
Dynamite is laid hidden behind twigs and loose fauna,
The land dwellers duck behind cacti and rocks, ready to do slaughter,
The pirates appear, figuring victory as their faction's bigger,
Unsuspecting, many step into the blast zone and the trap is triggered,
One minute hunting, then suddenly everything around explods,
The fireworks pop, enemies drop, and then a cloud of smoke,
Hand cannons meet pistols, a frightening followed event,
The attackers definitvely defeated, all of them dead,
The smell of gunpowder infests, for the cowboys, few are hurt,
They spout wings and raise up, the pirates return to Lucifer.

User avatar
the sentinel
Potential Emcee
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:19 pm
Location: bloemfontein,RSA

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by the sentinel »

Nice story line bruh, i'd like to work wihya sumtym

[ Post made via Mobile Device ] Image

User avatar
For Real
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 91
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 1:40 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 2

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by For Real »

yeah sure no doubt, get at me ina pm and we'll get sumthin goin.

i wrote dis because i asked 3d string to give me a topic, and he said pirates vs cowboys.

User avatar
Ambiguous Realm
Army Of Three
Posts: 3522
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2006 3:57 pm
Wins: 46
Losses: 14
No Shows: 2
Location: Earth
Contact:

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by Ambiguous Realm »

pretty damn nice man, your rhymescheme on this piece was impressive, seems lately better writers have been appearing on illest, must be the age of scriptures this time around,

i look forward to reading more pieces, i'd give this a 8/10, not my favorite topic lol, neither indians nor cowboys, together definitely not, but you made this interesting and having u in the tournament would have been a nice addition, if only u shown up like 2 days sooner, stick around and i'll get u in the next one
Image

Enlightend
Poetically Speaking
Posts: 429
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:33 am
Wins: 17
Losses: 3
Location: Boston MA

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by Enlightend »

Very good like evo had said rhyme scheme is good so flow is good it is very well written, but i didnt like the story itself lol... keep posting though
[center]-The Elitists-[/center]
[center]Image[/center]

User avatar
the sentinel
Potential Emcee
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:19 pm
Location: bloemfontein,RSA

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by the sentinel »

Yeah,will do

[ Post made via Mobile Device ] Image

User avatar
For Real
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 91
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 1:40 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 2

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by For Real »

yeah i dont like the topic either, but I asked 3D String to drop me a random topic, and he gave me Cowboys and Pirates. really appretiate all of the feedback guys and ill try and get back to each of you.

ippiki_17
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:08 am
Contact:

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by ippiki_17 »

Your awesome, I loved the content. Dope shit!

User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by MonuMental »

Definitely a dope topic. Unique comes to mind just from reading the title. Indeed. You had some dope imagery and story elements which were conducive to the plot and theme as a whole. You delivered well on the topic. Props.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

User avatar
Sir Kevin O Shea
Rhyme Master
Posts: 163
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:51 pm
Wins: 8

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by Sir Kevin O Shea »

I gave you this topic because strange topics bring out the best in a writer. You handled yourself pretty good. When im done in the tourney we need to have a topical match up.
[center]Image[/center]

The Elitists:
"We don't diss anymore, we only write songs for charities and Christmas carrols" - Sir 3rd String QB

3rd String QB

Calico

Enlightend

Shazo

User avatar
For Real
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 91
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 1:40 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 2

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by For Real »

no problem man. let me know when your want it. thanks for the feed guys.

User avatar
Arvincible
Unstoppable Emcee
Posts: 2304
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2007 9:05 pm
Wins: 67
Losses: 18
Location: So Cal

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by Arvincible »

wow dope !!

i love your unique style, your rhyme scheme is nice and you really put some styles into perspective, like proving very well that a piece isnt always about having multis.. we will collab soon man, i enjoyed this read!!
i look forward to reading more from you, please stay active buddy

give this an 8.5/10 keep it up
Image

User avatar
For Real
Dedicated Emcee
Posts: 91
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 1:40 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 2

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by For Real »

thanks man, appretiate it. ill get at you about a collab idea now.

User avatar
Faze
Potential Emcee
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:04 pm

Re: Pirates Vs Cowboys

Post by Faze »

That Was Surely' Dope
I Mean Even The Topic Is Dope Very Enjoyable Read & Very Good Structure'
Overall I'd Give It A Good 8.7

Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests