Adultery

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
NoVeL
Rap Assassin
Posts: 733
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 12:29 pm
Wins: 14
Losses: 28
No Shows: 10000

Adultery

Post by NoVeL »

It could never be you and I, as far as the eye can see

always blind from tears and the scars are kinda deep

over bullshit, constant headaches, no nights of sleep.

Frustrating when you love, the love's putrid from a mile

used to think we going strong, holidays we held it down

but the best part is YO we have a CHILD!

I'll be polite, and calm down

make a visit, even stay awhile

But that's it.

and don't compare me to him

this weed good, my inner thoughts have a weird influence

The man in mirror appears to be as I used to be

it's no use, I'm used to we

being the way that I'm used to... why you callin' me ?

voice-mail fulla deposits

and I'll try ignore it, start a text conference

and only return the brief pause for a slight importance

it ain't no accident, hope ya happy with your insurance

User avatar
FatalX
Lyrically Inclined
Posts: 147
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 12:36 pm
Wins: 5
Losses: 3

Re: Adultery

Post by FatalX »

dude.......Im in the same damn situation...except I have two kids....this was short but on point....I don't normally critique pieces that seem like poetry or are emotional but good job.,....you got me trippin on my ex off that shit good job lol
I CHANNEL all my ENERGY,
while my SPIRIT is SOLEMN//
you HEAR my WORDS in the STREETS-->
because I'm SPEAKING in VOLUMES//

I'm like the MEDIA with QUESTIONS-I never stop SHOOTING
so IF you really got a PROBLEM-we can make this EXCLUSIVE...//

User avatar
NoVeL
Rap Assassin
Posts: 733
Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 12:29 pm
Wins: 14
Losses: 28
No Shows: 10000

Re: Adultery

Post by NoVeL »

Thanks

User avatar
thadevious1
Lyrically Inclined
Posts: 146
Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 1:42 am
Wins: 2
Losses: 1

Re: Adultery

Post by thadevious1 »

like fatal x was saying this is realy EMO rap ... :lol:
but never the less it's heartfelt and has some good inner thoughts
I like how you made this simple for anyone to get into and relate with
nice concept for a track
you should try writing a 2nd verse

keep up

1
[center]Image[/center]

Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 13 guests