The MagicMark - "Gorgeous" Collection - Murder - 3

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MagicMark
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The MagicMark - "Gorgeous" Collection - Murder - 3

Post by MagicMark »

Freestyle time..


8.00 o clock - saturday night..

i put on my black shit, im ready to go tonight
got the ski mask in the trunk, but no snow in sight
i put it in my hand, to check if the holes is right
put 2 fingers in, like to check if the hoes is tight
im about to set me free, im on some moses hype
got the knife n' the 9, ya never know the fight..
i leave the pad, keys in hand, get in the car and go
just up a few blocks and then turn not to far ta roll
try to block out my kids faces, it'll only make it harder, so
i try to imagine im back to 19 n' i got no father role
cruisin by the spot, i see im right on time
a few rich men strollin' in they' cars, looking for a private dime
promise them vuloptuous black women, with violet eyes
all with a cheeky grin, could never suspect that im a violent guy
so i would try and play the chump, all the while tryna get my paper up
tellim' that the pussy soft and wet, like what a storm does to a paper cup
got all these old fags, hook like and sinker
promised em good times n' bitches, should find em vixens
devine, delicious..
So i pick em' up one at a time, take em' to the "secret spot"
give them a "code" to tell the hooker, yeah "keep it locked"
they lapped that security shit up, whether they believed or not
as long as she is hot, i coulda told em to drop trou' n' eat a rock
so i get 5 guys in different places, all waited to get laid
i grab my honey from the block, tell her she'll get paid
she in the front seat, i gotta a wait, call this the "slow runner"
so i pull over, unzipped and get a blow from her
honey got tongue skills, some shit like i would cower
fuck a knot she could make a cherry stem into the eiffel tower
i drive on to the dudes who are now cold and upset
show the boys the tits on this bitch and that bro will forget
any pain he been through.. the girl unzip his jeans
then i whip out the tool, n' that hoe quick to bleed
after i take that cat's suit n' dough, his rides next
silly hoe, lost everything he showed, for supplied sex
payin' for a broad, you deservin' all you got
and i got 4 other dudes waiting in parking lots
i drop the ride's home and repeat the same scam
the honey go to pull him off, and i whack him with a straight hand..
5 dudes left naked on the sidewalk, and they ride clipped
i hock each of em for 10 a piece, give 1 to my bitch
now i feel some pride, ish.. ya'll niggas gotta try this
cats thinkin' they fuckin' my hoes, but then they really fucked by my tricks.....

easy,,
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ScottJames
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Post by ScottJames »

a lil too simple for me..
flow was choppy, material was not too original..
i hate peeps who rap about guns..
no hate though...

props for writin it..
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Brah-Vo
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Post by Brah-Vo »

Hmmm... i'm abit iffy on this one. Not a real big fan of gun talk but then again it IS entitled Murder. Like SJ said the flow was a tad choppy but you presented your point well. Simplicity isnt really a matter for me as long as your point is conveyed.
But be sure not to be TOO cliche because that can get boring.

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Cee4
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Post by Cee4 »

this one was OK. i see what Scotts saying about the gunplay and that but there a difference between some wanna be gangster trying to claim this is what they do and someone whos wrote it from the perspective of someone else. its obvious its a topical and it was a decent little story. could of made it more complex but it was alright. i didnt have a problem with the flow
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MagicMark
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Post by MagicMark »

ha... shiz.. i was feelin' this piece the most outa tha 3 lol..

ah well..

thanks for the feed all, its appreciated..

this was a freestyle, so it aint gonna be real complex, i'll work on it for the next pieces in the series..
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Time Line
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Post by Time Line »

This was some nice shit, good flow,
guns is what all rappers rap about so it fits in perfectly.
battling in this ocean paddling with devotion cant fuck my bitch better u start imagining lotion.

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PM if anything....

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The Gonz
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Post by The Gonz »

^Thats the problem.

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MagicMark
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Post by MagicMark »

lol.. people are seeing this weirdly..

it has very little to do with guns.. it doesnt even have murder in it..

its a story about a guy hustlin'..
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- Mutual -
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Post by - Mutual - »

i thought it was dope
no problem with the flow
obvious it was a topical
great story with a dope read
dont see why people are like "oh guns is what raps about" & "shit i dont like gun talk"
if a person says they down with guns
who cares up to them if they fakin
leave it to'em maybe they'll say sumin wrong
slip up anyway good read here Mark
keep'em comin
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Haz
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Post by Haz »

i put on my black shit, im ready to go tonight
got the ski mask in the trunk, but no snow in sight
i put it in my hand, to check if the holes is right
put 2 fingers in, like to check if the hoes is tight
im about to set me free, im on some moses hype
got the knife n' the 9, ya never know the fight..
i leave the pad, keys in hand, get in the car and go
just up a few blocks and then turn not to far ta roll
try to block out my kids faces, it'll only make it harder, so



^ Best part.

I Mean it Was sorta Jumpy.. Could of Been alot More Descriptive homie.
& should put more then one multi set in each Line jus to Help the Flow Alittle, could up The Substance & What Not.
It Was a Freestyle though Like you Said.. Just giving Some constructive Critism

Anyways Keep writing Homie.
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MagicMark
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Post by MagicMark »

i gotcha ^..

cheers for the feed.. we gotta get a collab poppin'..

thanks for the feed everyone else too..
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