Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

2011 Illest Topical Tournament for the belt!

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Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by The Architect » Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:03 pm

Rules
9 Bars/18 lines (MAX)
Due 72 hours(3 days) from time of this thread
First to 5 votes (3-0=ko/4-1=tko). Each day late is 1 against you
Voting must use categories with brief explanations.

Categories
-Storytelling
-Flow
-Creativity
-Rhyme scheme
-Metaphors & Similes
-Consistency
-Impact

THIS ROUND YOU WILL CHOOSE YOUR OWN CATEGORY, MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE A TITLE TO YOUR PIECE

Good luck and may the best story win
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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by Enlightend » Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:41 am

-At A Loss-

Marys pregnant laying in bed a blankets placed on her legs, she woke in the hospital
there's an intercom so she calls for help "NURSE" but she gets no response at all
something seems off the wall, she feels her stomach, there's stitches in her abdomen
labor?.. she remembers half of it.. she pushed so hard things went black and then....
wait! she noticed her baby isn't in the bassinet.. now she uses the wall to stand and
calls out down the hall ta Dan when she realizes in a panic that there all abandoned
she falls in pain, now crawling frantic hoping she's dreaming and praying it stops
but its blatantly not so shes crying out loud "please someone help me my baby is lost"

meanwhile...

in a waiting room Dan paces, he tries to read a book but cant with his damn shaking
his family arrives and there's hand shakes and then tears.. now this mans breaking
the doctor walks in, Dan stands an stares blankly the doctor speaks, hes listening
then he walks from the room cheeks glistening with this look of defeat gripping him...
the words he heard started sinking in, after he repeated them for half the day
he cant believe he heard the bastard say "your son lived but Mary has passed away"

in the end...

still the stories told and although some of the truth is lost and the lore has grown
its believed that the floors are roamed by Marys ghost looking for her baby boy alone
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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by Shazo » Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:33 am

~Dreaming of my independence day~

I've been a prisoner for too long, I await the day I'm released from these walls
I'm ready to experience the life of normal civilian and the freedom involved
Serving my sentence, feeling all alone with no one to hear my cries when I speak up
Forced to eat what they consider nutrient just so that I can keep my strength up
I'll constantly show anger and kick those walls, as the warden laughs and talk shit
I'm not an animal, I shouldn't be caged up like this only confined to darkness
I need to get a hold of myself if I'm going to get out! I cant have my mind lapse
Most of my days are spent sleeping, its the best way I know to let time pass
I know deep in my heart I'll be free soon, I just cant allow that hope to fade thin
Its easy to convert my rage when, I think of all the positive things that I'll engage in
Life has become an emotional roller-coaster as I count down each day
The warden will tell the judge my progress and I hear my chances of release seems great
I've calmed down a lot as time goes on I'm able to limit some of these outburst
Thank god my day has come, I watch as the door to these walls move outwards
My warden released me from my prison, now I think I'll sleep most of my first day
I know I was so anxious to escape, but what else can a baby do on their birth date?

edit to add I
Last edited by Shazo on Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:48 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by Proverb » Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:48 am

great battle loved em both honestly shazo you didnt put a title wtf lol that being said


Storytelling- I gotta give this one to enlightened he gave perspectives from both the husband and wife loved it but shazo i thought you was talkin bout jail the whole time then hit me with the baby thing i liked it forrealtho
Flow- gotta give this one to Shazo to each his own i just felt his more when i read it
Creativity-this one goes to Enlightened no doubt great topic shazos was good to tho
Rhyme scheme-also goes to Enlightened although both were good once again to each his own i just felt his more
Metaphors & Similes-there really werent to many but i gotta give this one to shazo
Consistency-both were consistent on the topic both had twists but i gotta give it to enlightened
Impact-see i give this one to enlightened also the 2 perspectives was awesome shazo yours was great also i just couldnt connect as much since this happened to one of my family members also

recap
storytelling-Enlightened
flow-Shazo
creativity-enlightened
rhyme scheme-enlightened
metaphors/similies-Shazo
consistency-Enlightened
impact-enlightened

mvgt enlightened but this battle was close
Keep comments to yourself cause I heard enough chatter,
hang you by ya throat wit a rope soaked in venom of a Puff Adder

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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by Blake Downs » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:11 am

very interesting battle going on here,i enjoyed this,it was a very close descision,
Storytelling:enlightened
Flow:TIE
Creativity:enlightened
Rhyme scheme:TIE
Metaphors & Similes:TIE
Consistency:enlightened
Impact:TIE

MVGT Enlightened, good match yo

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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by AntiMaTTer » Sat Aug 27, 2011 8:11 am

damnit ill get to this later... i got company at the moment.
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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by Enders » Mon Aug 29, 2011 3:18 am

lol, not going to lie, i was nicely entertained by both. Shazo's piece had a nice twist at the end that I honestly didn't see coming. But it also read kinda dry and boring up until that part. I almost forgot i was reading it as a rap, read more along the story line with what seemed as minimal rhymes. Not hating, just being honest. It was a good story, just didn't rhyme as much as it could have to remind me its a rap, which made the flow extended, and it was kind of a dry read. Enlightend, I enjoyed your story as well, not only because it rhymed well through out the entire wording and not only at the end of your lines, but also because the amount of detail placed into the pictures and what you wrote over all. The only complaints i have if any is Dan i took as the husband, should have been in the delivery room and watched her die instead of the waiting room waiting to hear details. But with that tactic, i see no story with a twist, so I understand why that avenue, just didn't like it because of its credibility on a personal level. Great pieces all together to be honest.


MVGT Enlightend.
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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by 88SkyLink » Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:02 am

A really good battle from the both of you, here's my breakdown

Storytelling -
Enlightened won this for me. Shazo had a good story to tell, but Enlightend had a beginning, middle and end. Shazo's one was more of 'what he's going to do' and not a DETAILED story on how he got in jail, how he coped, and what happens when he got out.
+1 Enlightend


Flow -
I feel its best if I gave this a draw. They both had a lot to say considering they CHOSE a topic, so I thought the flow would be bad since they would write to much, but they both limited it, and I found it easy to read from the both of them, so kudos to them for not going overboard.
+1/2 to each



Creativity -
Again, I got to give it to Enlightend for pretty much the same reason a the story-telling category. Enlightend had a great plot and it was executed to perfection, Shazo's one was creative in a sense of the idea - but it wasn't as good as Enlightend's.
+1 Enlightend


Rhyme scheme -
Enlightend had the better rhyme scheme for me. His verse rhymed nicely with multis. Shazo's however sounded choppy, and at one stage I didn't feel the words rhymed properly e.g 'talk shit/darkness'.
+1 Enlightend



Metaphors & Similes -
I didn't see that many, but I'll give this to Shazo for actually including one metaphorical line i.e. 'my life is a roller-coaster'. I don't blame Enlightend for not using it. Forgive me but I feel that this category is irrelevant, cuz the participants vaguely, if not, never use it and its not their fault cuz it destroys the consistency. Anyways Shazo gets this for me.
+1 Shazo


Consistency -
Well ... they were both consistent on the topics they chose. But in a sense of WHAT they wrote, I got to give it Enlightened - for the same reason as the one given in the Creativity category.
+1 Enlightend



Impact -
The both of yall gave me an impact, but Enlightend's topic seemed stronger than Shazo's, plus the verse just hit me harder, especially after reading the last bars, gave me the chills lol, Shazo's verse also hit me, mainly the last line. Both of you mentioned a baby in the last, what a coincidence.
+1 Enlightend


Category
Enlightened 5.5 : 1.5 Shazo


This was a dope battle, but overall I say that Enlightened came out stronger than Shazo in nearly every aspect. Not taking anything away from Shazo, he came out and done his thing, he went in hard, but Enlightend was more consistent and had a better verse. Unlucky Shazo, but I conclude this by saying

MVGT: ENLIGHTENED
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[center]BodyBagged
:: Catastrophe :: 3-0
:: Jayzon_Black :: 4-0
:: Leeroi Green :: 4-0
[/center]

[center]Lost to
:: Enlightend :: 4-1[/center]


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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by Arvincible » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:01 pm

great vote ^^ had to stop by and say that
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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by 88SkyLink » Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:58 am

thank u thank u...
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[center]BodyBagged
:: Catastrophe :: 3-0
:: Jayzon_Black :: 4-0
:: Leeroi Green :: 4-0
[/center]

[center]Lost to
:: Enlightend :: 4-1[/center]


[center]Illest Achievements[/center]
[center]Potential of the Year 2011[/center]

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Re: Enlightend vs Shazo (Semi-Finals)

Post by The Architect » Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:26 am

enlightend wins

-updated and closed-
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