Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

2011 Illest Topical Tournament for the belt!

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Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by The Architect » Tue Jul 26, 2011 9:57 am

Rules
7 Bars/14 lines (MAX)
Due 96 hours(4 days) from time of this thread
First to 5 votes (3-0=ko/4-1=tko). Each day late is 1 against you
Voting must use categories with brief explanations.

Categories
-Storytelling
-Flow
-Creativity
-Rhyme scheme
-Metaphors & Similes
-Consistency
-Impact


Illaborate's topic is "That stupid bitch!"

pest's topic is "The boy who cried wolf"
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by Borat » Tue Jul 26, 2011 3:15 pm

Check.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
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I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
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pest
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by pest » Sat Jul 30, 2011 5:37 am

*CLIMBS UP*

I never EXPECTED this to be a DEFECTIVE way to get ATTENTION
All i wanted was to be ACCEPTED, now seems like a WRECKLESS ASCENTION

All im LEFT WIT is a knotted NECKLACE and a beam for SUSPENSION
America, now PEST IS going thru with his DEATH WISH, his final INTENTION

Hello?...

This is real shit people, come running, this is my CALL TO HARM
Once i've MALLED MY ARM, popped some pills, some FALSE ALARMS

Left alone, no one to WITNESS what kind of HURTIN THIS IS
Many have came to my aid before, but now its just CHIRPIN CRIKETS

Turned to the boy that cried wolf, but this is the final CALL FOR HELP
Now the wolf has free range of the flock, and yall think ALL IS WELL

Watch me FALL TO HELL, ALL AINT SWELL, and thats just SO YOU KNOW
Fuck a will, fuck a note, just know i TOLD YOU SO...

*KIKKS STOOL*

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
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Catastropic wrote:i went to ya site on reverbnation, and i heard ya' projects bro, i must say they real damn good...
at ya' age you have a 5star skillz,
and believe you're gonna make in the music biz.
i love ya' sht...most definitely...
keep up the good work bro!
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by Borat » Sat Jul 30, 2011 9:02 am

Baby doll was just a kid the first time her heart died/
Her father was sick he'd force his flesh to her fault lines//

Her mother was sick a schizophrenic of sorts/
Never left the fort, sure that death slept on the porch//

she was like gravity when she grabbed at me, I'm stuck on the thought of it/
She'd hold the world above me and still make me feel on top of it//

and I'd compare her beauty to the stars but there's something ugly it's true/
It shines bright like street lights and clouds out the view//

But baby... That's just us, I'm like the earth stuck... In rotation/
You're stuck up like constellations, always moving in position but never changin//

So a lot of people ask and I suppose I know why you left/
You had seen your mother in my head and felt your father in my flesh...//

...There are still times I wanna go and make that stupid bitch hurt!/
But I'm a man that understands and I can give enough to forgive her//

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
POET OF THE YEAR 2011
Image
I'm often soft like cotton but my message is clear, my words hold weight like "dumbos" ears.
Image
Image

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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by The Architect » Sat Jul 30, 2011 7:03 pm

Storytelling:tie
Flow:pest
Creativity: illaborate (was definitely different)
Rhyme scheme: pest (multis were more consistent)
Metaphors & Similes: illaborate
Consistency:pest (just barely)
Impact:illaborate (for the 12th line)

vote: illaborate

pest stuck to his story a tiny bit better but a lot of lines i just didn't like in there, illaborate could have focused more on his feelings towards the girl in a negative way, but his story felt more original and it had a little more depth so that leaned me more towards his, otherwise i'd give this a tie, pretty even with the categories
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by pest » Tue Aug 02, 2011 4:39 am

bump4votes

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image
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Catastropic wrote:i went to ya site on reverbnation, and i heard ya' projects bro, i must say they real damn good...
at ya' age you have a 5star skillz,
and believe you're gonna make in the music biz.
i love ya' sht...most definitely...
keep up the good work bro!
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Sir Kevin O Shea
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by Sir Kevin O Shea » Tue Aug 02, 2011 5:29 am

Storytelling:Illaborate
Flow:Illaborate
Creativity:Illaborate
Rhyme scheme: Tie
Metaphors & Similes:Illaborate
Consistency: Tie
Impact: Illaborate

Vote: Illaborate
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by AntiMaTTer » Tue Aug 02, 2011 5:32 am

she was like gravity when she grabbed at me, I'm stuck on the thought of it/
She'd hold the world above me and still make me feel on top of it//
^^^ thats sick, thats whats up.

ill vote when i get done with some shit i gota finish up

[RESERVED]



aite, this is how i break it down
pest wrote:*CLIMBS UP*

I never EXPECTED this to be a DEFECTIVE way to get ATTENTION
All i wanted was to be ACCEPTED, now seems like a WRECKLESS ASCENTION
decent flow, aite rhymes, i kinda wana say "EFFECTIVE" instead of DEFECTIVE way... Opener should grip the reader, an im lookin to read more.

All im LEFT WIT is a knotted NECKLACE and a beam for SUSPENSION
America, now PEST IS going thru with his DEATH WISH, his final INTENTION
Liked the flow on this, the "Left With and the Pest is/Death Wish" liked how that rolls off the tongue. Story so far is i can go head and say predictable, no reall twists im expectin, i like twists myself. But that dont make the story any less attractive regardless

Hello?...

This is real shit people, come running, this is my CALL TO HARM
Once i've MALLED MY ARM, popped some pills, some FALSE ALARMS
Nice imagery and flow is good, some interesting usage in the rhymes and word choices. Multis pretty fair. Gettin into details as to whas goin on

Left alone, no one to WITNESS what kind of HURTIN THIS IS
Many have came to my aid before, but now its just CHIRPIN CRIKETS
Imagery wasnt as solid as last lines but liked the visual of the sittin on the rooftop just waitin for someone to save the dude and nothing is happenin..(chirpin crickets)

Turned to the boy that cried wolf, but this is the final CALL FOR HELP
Now the wolf has free range of the flock, and yall think ALL IS WELL
Leading to the crescendo, id say this was prolly the weakest lines in the verse so far just cuz i like seein a climatic build more[/
b]
Watch me FALL TO HELL, ALL AINT SWELL, and thats just SO YOU KNOW
Fuck a will, fuck a note, just know i TOLD YOU SO...
The ending which was expected, tied up the story now...
*KIKKS STOOL*

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image


I feel the story could have been tighten up and described better in parts while others were stellar on flow and imagery the story felt to lack something. Good flow, and everything else needed just story need to be refined a bit i think



Illaborate wrote:Baby doll was just a kid the first time her heart died/
Her father was sick he'd force his flesh to her fault lines//

Her mother was sick a schizophrenic of sorts/
Never left the fort, sure that death slept on the porch//
LIke the imagery and flow is a bit different than the norm i think. Decent Liked the "Heart Died/Fault Line" multi.

she was like gravity when she grabbed at me, I'm stuck on the thought of it/
She'd hold the world above me and still make me feel on top of it//

like the simile used for the attraction here. The metaphor in the second line was nice, i just got a good visual of it...metaphorically speaking. Starting to see that this girl may not be as great as shes supposed to, why would ya girl hold the world (or problems, past events which i take the 'world' as a meta-for.) over ya head

and I'd compare her beauty to the stars but there's something ugly it's true/
It shines bright like street lights and clouds out the view//

But baby... That's just us, I'm like the earth stuck... In rotation/
You're stuck up like constellations, always moving in position but never changin//
Pretty good use of similes again, likin both these lines.

So a lot of people ask and I suppose I know why you left/
You had seen your mother in my head and felt your father in my flesh...//

...There are still times I wanna go and make that stupid bitch hurt!/
But I'm a man that understands and I can give enough to forgive her//
The HURT/HER was forced in my opinion as far as rhymes go. Id have to HEAR you say "hur" in audio to get a better idea of the swag in it but its text.

[ Post made via Windows Smartphone ] Image


Wanted to see more about this chick being a bitch but... Evo making this 14 lines makes it fucking hard to have a beginning, middle, and end that can be nicely tied together without it looking sloppy. Pretty decent story but i think if shes "That stupid bitch" i would have completly flip this topic diff but you didnt it pretty uniquely.



Lets get it tallied up

-Storytelling= TIE (the topic was on point by PEST and Ills direction of the story was a different approach to his)

-Flow-PEST (Both had nice flow, but Ill focused more on Metas an not so much as flow as PEST did)

-Creativity- ILL (The way he brought a fresh flip on his story caught my attention, id have said TIE if i didnt predict PESTS endin as i was expectin


-Rhyme scheme-PEST (see previous explanations)

-Metaphors & Similes - ILL (obviously stated numerous times already)

-Consistency-... hm, tough call. TIE. The story on PEST was to be picked up on but the flow on ILLs fell off at that last line.

-Impact-WHOS verse stood at more too me, Id have to say that I liked some of Ills word usage/imagery and story. But liked PESTS flow and was straight to the point on his topic. ... So, fucking idk.. its a toss up so i say i ILL

The Tally marks is how it is, too many tied up categories and just 1 more vote to ILL with his IMPACT ended the tied up tallys...so it is what it is.. I just call it how i see it. These battles gettin to fuckin tough to call. EDIT: i did forget to add "VOTE TO so"

VOTE= Ill by the width of a cunt hair.
Last edited by AntiMaTTer on Tue Aug 02, 2011 8:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Illaborate vs pest (1st Round)

Post by The Architect » Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:18 am

3-0ko, pest you're welcome to have this opened for re-evaluation to get your loss removed

just for a side note, there are several ways to view why the girl in illaborate's story was stupid, even though it was not her fault for her stupidity, her trauma led her away so i can clearly see how it ties in, regardless of how much MORE was wanted, the topic was still executed



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