A Series Of Unfortunate Events

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MonuMental
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A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by MonuMental »

Nothing is bearable, pain hurts the worst, the same works,
When I sling words in verses, jump in your brain fang first,
Cursed to stay immersed in waves of vane dangers,
On stained shirts, bloodied by where the grains burst,
The epidermis, sully it, let it hang, search,
For remainders of life, the bullet left every vein murked,
Within her, what a shame, hit her right as she played nurse,
She was ten, in plain skirts, kicking it in a grey hearse,
But across town was a man, signing to let his mom go,
Not to death's hold, but confinement in a rest home,
Orderlies that would lead him on, living to treat her wrong,
Beat her, defeat her soul, leave her and feed her cold,
The bed sores met bruises that loosened her feeble bones,
He'd visit and never see them hidden beneath her clothes,
Hell's a sweet repose, they'd tell her where she could go,
If she ever spoke a word they'd give her a lethal dose,
Of a sleeper hold, administered chemicals, ether, dope,
But either way it went she died, eager to see a hope,
In her sleep she dozed in deep pain, meager and broke,
He'll never know, her son buried her under deepening snow,
Receiving her woes, feeling he should be what he loathes,
God relieved her, he stayed and let the preacher go home,
Down the street was a jail house run by the city,
The cretins in it did penny time for petty misdeeds,
It was a squat hut, graceless, facing a time of budget cuts,
Hot, full of sleeping grunts, dreaming of fucking sluts,
The prisoner transfer bus rumbled up, the breaks stuck,
Open, crashed into the building, roasted it in a fire gust,
Dangerous animals burn to ashes, rolling in flame, crushed,
Transferred to hell, slightly quicker, as pain rushed,
Is it ironic, like choking to death on hydroponics,
Going to hell and seeing the devil is also toking on it,
Or is is fact that unfortunate shit just happens,
Walking the bridge of life as boards beneath you snap in.
***Please excuse my editing for various typos, this was composed and dropped in the wee hours of the morning, which means my brain was half asleep, and I hate to misspell things. Thank you.


Edited to change:
roasted in it a fire gust,
To:
roasted it in a fire gust,
(This error JUST NOW came to my attention.)

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/perpe ... 23861.html

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/88sky ... 23320.html
Last edited by MonuMental on Sun Dec 04, 2011 2:54 am, edited 4 times in total.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

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Sir Kevin O Shea
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by Sir Kevin O Shea »

Monumental, you are one of the greats. This is a piece of deepness.
[center]Image[/center]

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Kuhlerblynd
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Dude, this was about as deep as the fucking rabbit hole can go. You are easily one of the best piece writers this site has ever seen, at least in the year plus that I have been here. I always find imagery, metaphors, and emotion coming from all angles of the pieces you write, and this was no exception...

A few of my favorite lines include...
On stained shirts, bloodied by where the grains burst,
The epidermis, sully it, let it hang, search,
For remainders of life, the bullet left every vein murked,
Within her, what a shame, hit her right as she played nurse,
^^This is very well put together. I like everything about these two bars.
Beat her, defeat her soul, leave her and feed her cold,
The bed sores met bruises that loosened her feeble bones,
He'd visit and never see them hidden beneath her clothes,
Hell's a sweet repose, they tell her where she could go,
If she ever spoke a word they'd give her a lethal dose,
Of a sleeper hold, administered chemicals, ether, dope,
But either way it went she died, eager to see a hope,
In her sleep she dozed in deep pain, meager and broke,
^^ In so many ways, I feel like this is indeed the meat of your piece... Everything just came together very well, and I really enjoyed the imagery and vocabulary that was included in these 4 bars.
Is it ironic, like choking to death on hydroponics,
Going to hell and seeing the devil is also toking on it,
Or is is fact that unfortunate shit just happens,
Walking the bridge of life as boards beneath you snap in.

^^ Fucking sick closer. That last line is a great way to end this piece. Props for all you put into your writing bro. You deserve it! And I'm glad you put it up on Illest to share with everyone. Powerful stuff man. Keep writing.
--~Murk McNasty~--
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MonuMental
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by MonuMental »

No doubt, y'all!!! Thanks for the in depth, Murk, and you too 3rd!!
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]

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Kau the Lion
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by Kau the Lion »

Very nice drop. I like how you had more than one story going on but they were all tied together in a way. Flow was flawless. Some really nice multies and rhyme schemes.
Nothing is bearable, pain hurts the worst, the same works,
When I sling words in verses, jump in your brain fang first,
Cursed to stay immersed in waves of vane dangers,
On stained shirts, bloodied by where the grains burst,
The epidermis, sully it, let it hang, search,
For remainders of life, the bullet left every vein murked,
Within her, what a shame, hit her right as she played nurse,
She was ten, in plain skirts, kicking it in a grey hearse,
I thought these opening bars were the best example of that.
Is it ironic, like choking to death on hydroponics,
Going to hell and seeing the devil is also toking on it,
Or is is fact that unfortunate shit just happens,
Walking the bridge of life as boards beneath you snap in.
The closing bars were my favorite though. It felt like a really deep expression to me. Overall a really dope piece. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end.
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QwarterZ
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by QwarterZ »

This was a nice mixture of events thats going on....the vibe you brought was deep
the emotion you can evoke really shines through here...nice smooth flow
the story stayed consistent and makes you think more..the flow is sooooooo nice though
the switch up is crazy....I'm digging this piece

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CBK
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by CBK »

wow!!!!!!!!!! makes the mariana trench look shallow this shits so deep. your a genius.

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Defiance
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by Defiance »

yeah man i agree with this piece as A greAT verse great imagry multis were on point.. just keep adding it up man love your writting man
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Shawnmd
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by Shawnmd »

First of all, you had those multies and internal rhymes on lock. My fav part was this:
Is it ironic, like choking to death on hydroponics,
Going to hell and seeing the devil is also toking on it,

Keep doing what your doing, check my stuff out.

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COMPUTERCHIPS
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by COMPUTERCHIPS »

Very emotional,cold piece. diggin the imagery and flow!
CONGRATS! Well Done

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Jsteel
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by Jsteel »

When i read the piece i thought amazing,great imagery.emotional,u actualy feel like u are in the characterz world ...the same quotes that kuhler dropped is what i liked and had a similar feelin about...brilliant g

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NeverOddOrEven
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Re: A Series Of Unfortunate Events

Post by NeverOddOrEven »

Real talk, this might be one of the best writtens I've ever seen. I've followed your work a little bit and am constantly impressed. You use impressive vocab in a comprehensive manner, and your multis smash on most everybody else's. Beyond that, you can tell a story which I think is more difficult to do than most of the other niches of lyricism. Props of being an established MC, never stop elevating though there's always more to learn from. Flows can always be tightened up, delivery always switched, style always changed.

10/10 on this though.

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