TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Illest Lyrics' topical tournament for 2010

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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Orfadox »

oooh i like this topic....check good luck kau

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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Kau the Lion »

The check is in the mail.
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Orfadox »

Staring Around The Room From The Top Of This Shitty Bunk
Images Flash Reminding Me Of Exactly What It Is Iv Done
Can Hear The Clink Of Cell Doors Being Open And Shut
Through The Haze I Hear A Voice "Its Time To See The Judge"


[FLASHBACK]

Its About 10 Past 9,Hear My Wifes Voice "Come On Kids Its Bedtime"
Go To The Fridge Grab A Bottle Of Wine,Relax Its The Start Of Me Time
Pick Myself A DVD,Tonight I Think I Will Watch Transporter 3
Hear Footsteps On The Stairs,"Its Starting" I Shout As My Wife Joins Me
Enjoying The Peacefullness Now That The Kids Are Upstairs In Bed
Stumble Through To The Kitchen To Grab Us Another Bottle Of Red
The Dog Starts Barking As I See The Security Light In The Garden Come On
Take A Look Outside But Whatever Was Out There Is Now Gone
Head Back Through To The Lounge Lay On The Sofa And Settle Down
Lie Down And Try To Watch The Film But I Feel My Eyes Start Closing
Give The Wife A Kiss Tell Her Il See Her In Bed,Head Up I Soon Start Dozing
Get Awoken By A Loud Bang,Check The Clock Time Says Its 3 In The Morning
Turn My Head I Look At My Wife But She's Dead To World She's Even Snoring
I Get Out Of Bed Grab My Gun And Head Downstairs To Go And Take A Look
In The Darkness Of Thee Night I See The Glint Of A Kinfe And Think To Myself "FUCK"
Step Out Of The Shadow's He Tells Me He Wants The Code To The Safe
I Laugh In His Face Tell The Man "Fuck Off You Go No Chance Mate"
Tell's Me He'll Kill The Kids If I Dont Give It Him And Heads Towards The Stair's
My Mind Goes Blank I Hear 2 Shots Ring Out See The Blood Oozing And Just Stare
So Now Im Up In Caught For Murder When All I Did Was Protect My Kids
But According To The Judge The Only Victim In This Case Is Fucking Him
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Kau the Lion »

I bemoan and lament as my lawyer hopes for self defense.
But only I know the whole truth of those cruel events.

A car repair situation had delayed our vacation
We were unexpectedly home for a few days patiently waiting.
When a noise in the night was an invitation to investigate
Probably nothing I tell my wife. She says “Better safe-”
A second noise! Glass smashing interrupts the old adage.
“Go to Matty! Lock and block the door! The whole package!”
My heart beats ten times with each step towards the first floor.
Goosebumps dot my clammy flesh as I lurch forward.
Peer into the den, spy a burglar searching for merchandise.
Unnoticed, I skirt by and head towards my work supplies.
I produce a gun in my office; desk drawer to pocket.
No intention to off him. Just scare him and yell, “Drop it!”
But my pistol’s pointed at an empty room; Where’d he go?!
A loud thud from above sounds like doom in stereo.
I zoom upstairs about as fast as I could manage to run.
Bust through my kids door too late. The damage was done!
My wife stood dumbstruck; Matty’s bloody bat in her hand
I stood there, aghast, over a bloody battered man.
“What’s gonna happen?”, she sobbed. Finally letting loose.
Through the window, I saw approach a familiar red and blue.
A neighbor must’ve called the called cops. “Honey, relax.
Go and wash that blood off. I’ll give them all the facts.”
Soon I was cuffed and read my rights for what I said that night.
Cause I told them it was I who left a man dead that night.

Maybe this will work out or maybe I go to prison.
Now, it’s time to face the jury and the weight of my decision.
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Orfadox »

let the voting commence

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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Riggz »

Well guys, way to show up and do your thing.
Commentary: I felt both verses were vivid in its simplicity. Not much word play, multies, or metaphores but nice imagery. Creativity was there on both.
So here's the break downs.

Metaphores - Tie as neither had many metas to choose from
Multies/Rhyme structure - Kau by a hair (in a few bars he rhymed more than just the last word, where as I struggled to find a few rhymes in Orf's ie Look/Fuck, Stairs/Stare,Protect my kids/Fucking him)
Flow - Kau's read pretty smoothly. Orf you had about 2 bars that I get the cadence on
Complexity - Tie
Creativity - Tie As both of you came from the same angle ie Before the break in, during the break in, after the break in.
Most memorable - Orf (Simple things like wife snoring gives you some good details to remember)

Quotables:
Orf
- "Get Awoken By A Loud Bang,Check The Clock Time Says Its 3 In The Morning
Turn My Head I Look At My Wife But She's Dead To World She's Even Snoring"


Kau - "Peer into the den, spy a burglar searching for merchandise.
Unnoticed, I skirt by and head towards my work supplies.
I produce a gun in my office; desk drawer to pocket.
No intention to off him. Just scare him and yell, “Drop it!”

Overall: My vote goes to Kau by a hair.. I mean this honestly close.. the votes can go either way guys. I really just went off who had the better flow on this one. Someone else may be able to flow just as well to Orf's.
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by IntrinsicCadence »

Creativity- Kau, I appreciate that Kau made some things happen in the story that I wasn't quite expecting. In Orf's verse, from the beginning the story was kinda predictable and there weren't really any twists, but the fact that Kau's wife was actually the one who hit the dude was just enough change up to cause him to take the category.

Imagery- Orf, I had a very clear internal picture going on the whole time I was reading Orf's verse, kinda felt like I was there or maybe watching it on tv or something. I felt Orf focused a bit more attention on imagery than Kau.

Multis- Kau, Kau had some more, Orf only had a couple, and the one's Kau had sounded much more natural.

Flow- Kau, whereas Orf's verse seemed to put more attention on imagery, Kau's verse seemed to put more attention on the flow. Most of Kau's flow was real consistent, jumping from one bar to the next with seamless transitions and fluid movement. Orf's flow wasn't bad, but it wasn't nearly as consistent and sometimes the transition from one bar to the next wasn't too smooth.

Character Development- Orf, Orf's characters had deeper dimensions to them. I felt I could see them, relate to them, almost talk to them. Kau's characters didn't have that kind of depth.


Overall- Kau, both verses were real nice, easy to tell a lot of effort was put into both of em, but due to the more unpredictable story and the more fluid flow, I'mma have to give this one to Kau. If Orf's story had some kind of twist or anything unexpected happening I think he would have taken this one, because really from a literary kinda view Orf's verse was actually quite a bit better (except for the absence of commas, periods, etc). But as the verses now sit, I'mma have to give it to Kau, by two nose hairs.
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Wow, this was a pretty interesting read on both parts, and two different stories to boot. I liked how Orfadox didn't seem to have so much thrown in his verse and kept the flow going well through-out. Not alot of use of multi's though, and you could have incorporated more wordplay into a verse like that I think. You imagery was on point though. I like how you ended the verse. I also liked the foreshadowing, with the light going on and checking to see if someone was there, but no one was. Just seems like you told a pretty realistic story.
Kau, you did well to incorporate the multi's that you did, and keep the flow moving at a good pace. Your verse seemed to move through the events kind of rapidly, and you could have used some wordplay blended in there also, but probably not as easily as Orf could have. I do like how your story line was more original, and you had some nicely done lines as well, such as the doom in stereo line. I thought you did well with the imagery. Both people came correct and respectable, no doubt.
Over-all I would have to say Kau's was a little more enjoyable, because of how his flowed throughout and how he more of an original concept. This is one hell of a close match though, as Orf told his story really well and moved at a great pace throughout the peice. Nice job guys.
Vote- Kau
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by TheNobleOne »

i would give the vote to kau

i was into his story a little more then i was unorfadox's. his story was a little off to me. he had the gun but somehow the guy with the knife was the one making all the demands. no doubt it was a pretty good story minus a few of inconsistence's. kau's story took a pretty cool turn that i didnt expect at all, so for creativeness, he gets my vote. i wish yall would have went into a little more detail but both were pretty good stories.


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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by IntrinsicCadence »

Alright, that's 4-0 to Kau, a mod should wrap this up.... Just need some more votes on aLb vs Rugged and we can move on to the next round of the tournament...
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Re: TOURNAMENT RND 2 - Kau The Lion Vs. Orfadox

Post by Kuhlerblynd »

Thread closed and records updated.
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