Kevin O vs Defiance - Topical tittle match, (Kevin wins KO)

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Sir Kevin O Shea
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Kevin O vs Defiance - Topical tittle match, (Kevin wins KO)

Post by Sir Kevin O Shea » Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:10 am

8-10 bars
Deadline: 72 hours after both writers check in.

TOPIC: Broken heart of war made widow.


CBK can't vote on this battle.

-- Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:34 pm --

check in..
Last edited by Sir Kevin O Shea on Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:26 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Defiance
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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by Defiance » Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:31 am

Sweet Checkin in
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Sir Kevin O Shea
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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by Sir Kevin O Shea » Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:48 am

The heart's veins and blood splattered with her love shattered
a cardiac fracture due to slugs cutting her husband down like daggers
a year ago she smelled death on him while goodbye kissing his flesh
as he turned away she felt a sucker punch of pressure hitting her chest
she started gripping her dress while smiling at him as the cab drove him away
eyes watered up due her husband departing and her physical pain
her sleep at night was damaged with the fragments of nightmares
images of her husband and her dead together but with no fight there
two days later a letter with the details of her husband’s soul leaving
created a black hole of grieving with her breath stolen, she’s wheezing
he took four shots to his chest, two of the bullets struck his heart
now she’s feeling sensations of torso thumping begin to start
she stumbled to the phone alone since the family wasn’t home yet
the fear of slipping away stimulated flashbacks and her lone regret
telling him see you later when she knew goodbye was the truth
the operator is asking for an address while out of her mouth blood spews
cardiac arrest had her burning like the metal shots did to the spouse
medics cut open his fatigues like EMT’s are cutting open her blouse
two different kind of heart attacks just broke them apart
laid to rest at a double funeral, both dying from broken hearts
Last edited by Sir Kevin O Shea on Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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The Elitists:
"We don't diss anymore, we only write songs for charities and Christmas carrols" - Sir 3rd String QB

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Calico

Enlightend

Shazo

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Defiance
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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by Defiance » Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:03 am

She stares painfully at the folded flag on top her dresser
Pressure building silently as she stops an reads the letter
Weíre regretful to inform you seems to be stuck on repeat
hearts stuck on a beat with sorrow as she reluctantly breathes
tears stain the pages as the pain of her loss mounts an attack
he bounced to Iraq and made a promise that heíd be back
but it was a promise that he never kept Cause he never returned
with measured concern she waited but could never measure the burn
he was K.I.Aíd on Valentineís day fell to an enemies spray
his vest was filleted as five ripped through him like a fatal parade
now his wife is left to care for their baby an young daughter
raising them with no father their lives it will forever alter
all shes got is pictures and a head stone with her husband name
he died in vane she screams out heart broken in sudden change
sheís not the same full of pain cursing god for forsaken her
shaking her down to nothing a mere shell its breaking her
heart ruined for love she just refuses to go out an date
put doubt in faith so she stays up late to pout and shake
She turned to alcohol to try to drown out her silent screams
the heart in her chest died with her husbandís violent means


Sorry For the wait man here it is
get to the votes
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88SkyLink
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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by 88SkyLink » Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:49 am

Well, as I said this battle was really good, this would've made a good collab. Both the verses were very identical, you two included the same ideas for the topic & they were both written so similarily, its hard to pick a winner..But I think that the winner here will be decided by the impact, so I gotta give it to 3rd because the ending was more hard-hitting. Unlucky Def, but..
MVGT to O'Shea

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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by Momeijah » Tue Oct 18, 2011 7:58 am

I'm gonna vote for Kevin because I liked the twist at the end and the story had more character. Defiance yours was good for what it was but for these type of verses it was really nothing new and nothing innovative. Flow wise it was quite even I think your styles are quite similar. I'm gonna give it to Kevin for imagery, density and originality though.

Good battle.
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Mic S
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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by Mic S » Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:37 am

alright...
since its all been said my explanation will be brief

Kevin
flow was good, lyric content was nice, vocabulary was there -nothin to complicated - imagery was nice - the twist was dope - creativity - not much until the end hit

Defiance
flow was on point, lyrical content was good, vocab was there also nothin complicated as well... imagery here was dop - no real twist... creativity i bearly found just kinda story told it with obvious results due to topic...

Both
Both flows evenly matched as well as content and vocab. both potrayed on point imagery.. creativity goes to kevin. as i felt both went towards the same idea kevin just made it twist a bit better...
both dropped very nice emotional pieces but for the ending
kevin gets my vote

good battle to the both of you

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Alvin
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Re: PPV Main Event: Topical Championship

Post by Alvin » Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:45 am

Kevin wins KO, and remains the text topical champion.


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