Nep takes on Green

[king nep]

5 bars Green

I've been waiting a while for this so i won't be holding back let me if you up for it???

[leeroi green]

check...

do you write rhymes in magic marks? cus you off to a tragic start, accept the loss/
cus if you think you beating me you're higher than your avatars cholesterol/

and how dare you try to get people to relate you with the late great P-U-N/
you stink! its not a compliment when you're around people and they say pee eww N/

considering how you already been mauled, stabbed, and merc'd by kau, jack, and murk/
to think of me as just another L is not really all that absurd/

even if he had king trident and poseidon beside him my flow would still end Nep/
naval charges in depth, and paint a perfect picture with you in "it" to envision you inept/

you've been swept 0-4 this faggot is done, like you got swept out the sea and started collapsing a lung/
Damn....
.......that aint even a good enough example of how bad you actually suck/

EASY

will edit links here
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/sacre ... ml#p162261

[king nep]

This aint a battle its more like a green massacre of a cabbage amateur //
I’m spittin vascular blood clots and your the passenger taking the head shots//

While im droppin juggernauts and you flowin boring plots I no i got yo mouth open since youre used to suckin cocks//
You'll never rock let me reveal and put you in an awkward spot GReens flows suggest you better off getting a pop idol shot//

You can never be an mcee Roy I'll crush you like soy mince when textin flows with humor ima have to school ya//
My verbals assassinate you like Luther watch me drop more pucnhes than a centipede to give you a brain Tumor//

Do you really think yo shits complex let me flash the contents not past but present tense//
In yo battle wit Kau 99.9 percent of yo raps added up to scraps of non-sense//

Now ima smack you to the fence technical knockout guaranteed 20pounds you just an easy bench//
You couldn’t even be tight if we rotated yo rhymes anticlockwise wit an Allen Wrench//


Votes are open..............

[Kuhlerblynd]

Green

do you write rhymes in magic marks? cus you off to a tragic start, accept the loss/
cus if you think you beating me you're higher than your avatars cholesterol/

Punchline is solid. Your set up is weak, honestly. Couldve tied in some wordplay in that one somehow. Not a bad opener though.

and how dare you try to get people to relate you with the late great P-U-N/
you stink! its not a compliment when you're around people and they say pee eww N/

No man. The concept doesn't deliver, and that kills the whole bar. It's like you're trying to force something here, and most people wouldn't even see where you are coming from. Overly complex punches can kill the punch.

considering how you already been mauled, stabbed, and merc'd by kau, jack, and murk/
to think of me as just another L is not really all that absurd/

This is much better. Brought in some personal shit, had a simple yet effective punchline. Only thing I think you could have improved this bar with is some kind of wordplay tied into the punch.

even if he had king trident and poseidon beside him my flow would still end Nep/
naval charges in depth, and paint a perfect picture with you in "it" to envision you inept/

This goes at the wordplay side of things more to my liking but the punch misses IMO.

you've been swept 0-4 this faggot is done, like you got swept out the sea and started collapsing a lung/
Damn....
.......that aint even a good enough example of how bad you actually suck/

The flow of this was sick IMO, which gives a weaker punch a little more effectiveness. Your set up isn't as good though. Something you need to work a little more in the future with fam.

Nep

This aint a battle its more like a green massacre of a cabbage amateur //
I’m spittin vascular blood clots and your the passenger taking the head shots//

Your first line doesnt rhyme with the second line. I'm not saying the BAR doesn't rhyme, but when reading bars, the endings of your lines USUALLY rhyme and keep with some kind of cadence. The imagery is good here, and I like imagery punches, but they shouldnt be used as opening shots at your opponenet. Your opening bar should be real personal or comedic to give your verse a good jump start.

While im droppin juggernauts and you flowin boring plots I no i got yo mouth open since youre used to suckin cocks//
You'll never rock let me reveal and put you in an awkward spot GReens flows suggest you better off getting a pop idol shot//

Man, I think this concept could have been delivered better. I think I see where you were going with it, but like I said, I THINK I see, that means I'm second guessing your lines. By now, it would always be in your best interest to provide something personal on your opponent. Universal lines, and mentioning names without actually flipping the opposing persons name, aren't consider personals, just to let you know...

You can never be an mcee Roy I'll crush you like soy mince when textin flows with humor ima have to school ya//
My verbals assassinate you like Luther watch me drop more pucnhes than a centipede to give you a brain Tumor//

Okay, while the concepts in this are cool for a topical type piece, so to speak, I'm going to point out two things in this one bar I didn't like. The first, you said crush you like soy... Not only does it sound forced as FUCK, but soy is a sauce, a liquid... Crushing is doesn't take much effort because, well, crushing a liquid isn't really difficult. More punches than a centipede... Okay, here's where wording is important in verses. If you said something with a I deliver more punches than a centipede COULD or something to that affect, maybe this could hit harder. But the way it's worded, I'm just like, Centipde's throw punches?!? I dont know, it doesn't work IMO.

Do you really think yo shits complex let me flash the contents not past but present tense//
In yo battle wit Kau 99.9 percent of yo raps added up to scraps of non-sense//

Here you're getting a little personal with him, which is good. Really good. The punch could have been worded a little better IMO, and I thought the set up was one of your best really.

Now ima smack you to the fence technical knockout guaranteed 20pounds you just an easy bench//
You couldn’t even be tight if we rotated yo rhymes anticlockwise wit an Allen Wrench//

I see the direction on your punch, but it doesn't hit hard IMO. Your set up wasn't bad, but you couldve worked on that also.


Over-all, I hate it, but I think being brutally honest will help the both of you. I've seen both of you come with great concepts for punches in battles before this and really think you need to work on the wording/delivery of your punchlines. Also, getting personal ALWAYS makes things more interesting in battles, and makes it more known that you are recycling lines or just using universal shit in your battles. I really dig how both of you structure your bars, but Nep, you should look into the Multi section of the Text 101 again. Green, your punchlines are starting to come around, but I don't think you realize how being overly complex with you lines can hurt your verse. If a reader doesn't get it the first [or second time, if they care to read into it that much], then chances are, they're going to say they don't like the bar, no matter how much you want to explain it to them so they DO get it. Like you were saying about not liking expo's, well that's only more of a reason to not get too complex with your punches. Gentlemen, I'm just trying to improve everyone and help the best I can. If you can get a better breakdown than this, I would be seriously shocked.


My VOTE goes to Leeroi Green. More consistant punchlines, and that wins battles over all. He also did better with his flow by a small margin and his multi's by a good spread. Wordplay can be very effective in battle verses for text, so I hope to see you guys working on bringing more with that in future battles.

[leeroi green]

thats real I.V. in the arm critical condition dope feed

[king nep]

thanks for taking yo time to vote an critically giving a decent opinion im here to elevate an keep droppin till i gets respect... ill check out the 101 murk 1-0 to green more votes would be appreciated???????

[Quix]

totally agree with murk .. .great feed back.


Punches: Leeroi
FLow: Tie
Multie: Tie
Content/metaphors/nameplay: Leeroi - edged it
Enjoyment: Leeroi - edged it
Overall: Leeroi


this was MUUUUUCH close than ^^^ that reads.

MVGT: Leeroi

[king nep]

thanks quix 2-0 green

[Kau the Lion]

Punches: Leeroi
Wordplay: Leeroi
Nameplay: Leeroi
Personals: Leeroi(Just for the nameplay)
Multies: Tie
Flow: Tie

Leeroi just had more wordplay which made for harder punches.

+1 Leeroi

[leeroi green]

thanks everyone for taking the time to read and vote

[M-Vario]

Punches: Leeroi
Wordplay: Leeroi
Nameplay: Leeroi
Flow: Tie
Enjoyment: Leeroi
Personals: Leeroi
Multies: Tie

Leeroi- just all around dropped harder imo. descent battle tho

[king nep]

im a non believer about this outcome
4 more bars roy lets get it this is my check

-- Tue Feb 08, 2011 6:23 pm --

ima smack the gringe proper this time round.....

here it comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is round2 you little maggat stupid faggot got lucky first time eva he made it to 4votes//
Now ima destroy all yo hopes severe you like broken guitar strings so you deliver poor notes//

Ask the pope You’re a fukin joke heres the scope i spit precision an perfection//
Yo styles too old an wack to mention an ima retire this cat like a gran on pension//

This is a session so pay attention theres no second guessing that my punchlines do fatal blows//
My first impresion Theres no question i’ll be dropping green at the hospital Comatose//

Doctors got me filling in forms as i underline the norms Leeroi under performs his not a challenge//
Youre the bait an ima orchestrate how to annihilate your fate to strike a balance//

-- Thu Feb 10, 2011 12:22 am --

Roy r u gonna drop 4more bars I'm still waitin

[Kuhlerblynd]

Nep, you should make another thread for this so everyone can see that you both are actually battling again. Make the new thread and post the verse in that thread. Green might be thinking you were making a new thread too. This battle itself is locked and records are updated. Green wins KO.