You Lost me

Release your best recorded material and let the world hear your talent. It doesn't matter what level you are on - you will get constructive feedback to increase your skills.

Moderator: Loon E Lou

Forum rules
Embed your soundclick video players with [soundclick]Song Id[/soundclick]. You can also just put [soundclick]Embed Code[/soundclick].

Please go back and fix as many of your old songs as you want.
Post Reply
User avatar
TreTru
Rap Professional
Offline
Posts: 1606
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 5:35 am
Wins: 9
Losses: 5

You Lost me

Post by TreTru »

I Recoerded this when the site crashed cuz Defiance asked to be taken off that beat.. i was gonna drop it to prevent Loon having to waste his time..but afterward felt it would be unfair to do that without him knowing ..so here it is...its mixxed terribly imo..but i loved this beat!!.
Attachments
You Lost me 2.0.wma
(3.4 MiB) Downloaded 414 times
User avatar
Cyan
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:53 pm

Re: You Lost me

Post by Cyan »

I like the beat too ... The girl dub is really nice.

OK. I can appreciate what your coming with ... kind of a measured delivery ... and you stick to it ... which would make the writing more challenging ... but it sounds a bit labored ... I'm thinkin' it over and it's like ... what makes it fall flat is the combination of a less than perfect recording and a voice that kinda sounds like every white kid ever. ha ha. That sounds harsh but I don't know how else to say it. ... in honesty ... it just barely comes up short ... If Lil Wayne spit the exact same thing you wrote with his voice. It'd sound great! So it's not the content or writing ... just mediocre swag and capture/editing of your voice. Does that make sense? it's not a bad stab .. the timing is a little robotic at the very beginning ... but you fall into your groove shortly after that ... that beginning is really important though ... for a listener.
User avatar
cyanidesyn
Lyrically Inclined
Offline
Posts: 124
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 3:05 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 1

Re: You Lost me

Post by cyanidesyn »

i agree wit cyan on this ur writing n content aint tha problem u still need 2 find ur own sound n style n it comes wit time.. cyan a lil harsh wit tha sounds like every white rapper ever his accents unique u should play that 2 ur advantage ur accent.. tha mixdown n sound quality was poor but if u jus started recordin then its completely understandable... i mean as u get more comfortable wit tha mic ur sound will show... tha best advice i can give u is dnt jus write 2 a beat get 16 or w.e bars til tha hook n lay it down rehearse that shit i mean spit that shit so many times u sick of ur verse n beat... real shit i got verses i havent laid down yet but u put tha beat on n put me 2 a mic i dnt hav 2 look at tha paper
User avatar
TreTru
Rap Professional
Offline
Posts: 1606
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 5:35 am
Wins: 9
Losses: 5

Re: You Lost me

Post by TreTru »

haha yeah id say harsh was a bit of an understatement more arrogant than anything...considering im not even white..i mean im am very open to CONSTRUTVE feedback..but you had to know that was overboard..haha.was still working on my new recording room when i did this one so the quality does sound less than great.i also am attempting another mixx on this...and i am planning on performing this track live so i'm not gonna put alot of effects on it cuz that wont be a good look on stage...oh yeah and Fuck Lil wayne..i aint him and do not wish to sound as such..thanks for the feed tho...1
User avatar
littlefranky
Potential Emcee
Offline
Posts: 46
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:48 am
Location: Bay Area 510
Contact:

Re: You Lost me

Post by littlefranky »

beat is nice. what is that vocal sample from.
mix isnt horrible but not great either. some real lyrics
multis on the end of the first verse pulled me in
and then that hook comes in with that soothing voice but epic instruments.
i think if the mix was a bit better and u made it longer it would be solid as fuck.
that whole delivery thing, i dont think u need to worry about too much.
i mean yea it could use some work, but u clearly seem relatively comfortable recording, and the rest will come with time. you'll naturally shape your sound.
User avatar
Cyan
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:53 pm

Re: You Lost me

Post by Cyan »

Whoa! Whoa! ... tap the brakes man.

I didn't realize sounding like a white kid was the meanest, nastiest thing you could say to someone. ha ha. Take a close look at my photo man! If I hadn't uploaded it ... you'd know ... Doesn't mean I wanna sound like every other motherfucker ... and I'm pretty sure you don't either ... That IS constructive feedback.

Every song isn't gonna be a homerun dude. And even if it is ... not everyone is going to feel the same way about it.

I mean ... I just sent you a song man. Why would I do that if I thought you didn't have talent? I know what you're capable of.

@ Cyanicide - You practically told Seanny T to kill himself ... ????
User avatar
leeroi green
Rap Assassin
Offline
Posts: 584
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:23 pm
Wins: 12
Losses: 13
No Shows: 1
Location: san diego ca

Re: You Lost me

Post by leeroi green »

dope beat
1st verse sounds nice good delivery and lyrics

is there another nope thats it
ok this is nice i can dig it i havent heard the other version but i like it
Image
Image
User avatar
TreTru
Rap Professional
Offline
Posts: 1606
Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2008 5:35 am
Wins: 9
Losses: 5

Re: You Lost me

Post by TreTru »

@Cyan I never said it was mean haha...but tbh this board is full of white boys..and I sound like none of these dudes..or like you so how can I sound like every other white kid?I can dig the rest I just felt that part of your criticism was more in jest is all.. I cool with the rest of your criticism I'm one of the least butt hurt dudes when it comes to feed back..

I'm chill tho.. tbh I retorted because to not address that comment be less than honorable on my part..so thanx...
User avatar
Cyan
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:53 pm

Re: You Lost me

Post by Cyan »

Well ... Cool.

I don't come on here to step on peoples feelings or bring others down. I have no interest in it. I only wanna get help and give it. It bummed me out that I seemed to piss you off.

At the end of the day, we're strangers who rely on each other for honest feedback. I'm going to continue to leave feedback for you .. some of it might be negative ... but it's nothin' personal. ;)
bogert
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 15
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:29 am

Re: You Lost me

Post by bogert »

I have downloaded it.. But I have no wma Player..!
Haz
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 6800
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 1:41 am
Wins: 67
Losses: 70
Location: The Port

Re: You Lost me

Post by Haz »

I think the verse is nice... If you sound like a white guy, I would say Slain
but I don't hear the problem with your voice..I would say be a little more firm with the aggressiveness if that makes sense.. I like this man lol
I think the little chick singing is cool too, digging that.
Delivery was on point, lyrics were there..I was digging the beat.

I enjoyed the track, keep it up.
Image
User avatar
cyanidesyn
Lyrically Inclined
Offline
Posts: 124
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 3:05 am
Wins: 1
Losses: 1

Re: You Lost me

Post by cyanidesyn »

lol @ cyan tellin me i basically told seanny t 2 kill himself hahaha
User avatar
Seanny T
Dedicated Emcee
Offline
Posts: 97
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:53 am
Losses: 3
Location: Alberta, Canada

Re: You Lost me

Post by Seanny T »

man...this is my favorite track from you yet! not gunna lie, this is sick. flow is perfect, lyrics are spot on and are pretty damn awesome. could u send this to me in mp3 format so i can have this on my ipod? lol. seriously tho id listen to this all the time. great stuff man. and i got a proposition for ya...theres a track im recording but the guy who was gunna do the second verse ditched out...so i was thinkin, would ya wanna take his spot? i can send u the beat, and the lyrics wrote for it. hit me up with a email man!
Melt ice with my glare, freeze water with my stare
User avatar
Deciple
Elite Freestyler
Offline
Posts: 464
Joined: Sun Jun 21, 2009 2:13 pm

Re: You Lost me

Post by Deciple »

The piano is nice, im way diggin the hook.. perfect music video intro haha.. ok, you bring it man, but in my head i was expecting you to just explode.. your on point on how you delivered it.. this is nice.. kinda reminds me of a linkin park style.. im just waiting for him to scream haha.. its good tho man.
Image
Philippians 4:13
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Psalms 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Post Reply

Return to “The Booth”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests