Hoping For Change

Release your best recorded material and let the world hear your talent. It doesn't matter what level you are on - you will get constructive feedback to increase your skills.

Moderator: Loon E Lou

Forum rules
Embed your soundclick video players with [soundclick]Song Id[/soundclick]. You can also just put [soundclick]Embed Code[/soundclick].

Please go back and fix as many of your old songs as you want.
Post Reply
User avatar
NeverOddOrEven
The Prophet of Poetry
Offline
Posts: 96
Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:20 am
Wins: 3
No Shows: 1

Hoping For Change

Post by NeverOddOrEven »

I'd appreciate as much feed on this as possible. Though I've been writing and rapping for awhile, I'm hella new to beat making and song making, so please let me know where I'm doing well and where I can improve overall.
Lyrics (so you can follow along)

For my real hip-hop heads, please stand up
It went from being an art to something we can’t love
And the art of it never included all the degradation
People listening to Malcom, trying to fight the segregation
Not supposed to be approved or even played on every station
Just some people in the struggle speaking out to get complacent
Well, yea – take it back to the South Bronx
It wasn’t about money or even about songs, it was
Telling the people of oppression they face
And that America had put them in a desolate place
So they made beat-boxing and street talkin' graffiti-rockin
As a way to tell America it’s sleep-walkin
Breakdancin to shake hands with every other person
Strugglin under the Jim Crow wasteland
Then, Grand Master Flash dropped “The Message”
White America damn near stopped the presses
Hip-hops going in the wrong direction
Time to make these black people stop connectin
So corporations made the revolution and act
Into rap, so people would equate stupid with black
And it was not what you thought it was
It was not poppin slugs at a cop on the block for fun
It was a voice for the struggle to penetrate the fables,
It would denigrate the labels, grab a pen and make it fatal
But you’re given the rhythm and takin a toll,
Breaking it down so they know
But they appropriated the culture and made it their own
Made it their own, made it their own, made it their own
A record label is like a slave ship
Cause once you get on
They take your culture, but they do it with a fake whip
And they get tired cause they're workin or choppin
And us consumers are the ones that always purchase the cotton
So let me tell you bout the birds and the bees
The birds are free and the bees serve the queen
So who you gonna be, bee
Or who you gonna be, bird?
Are you gonna keep peace, or speak industry words
So think of everyone you know in the game
Hip hop is homeless - it is hopin for change
Attachments
Hoping For Change.mp3
(2.97 MiB) Downloaded 420 times
Loon E Lou
Fuck You, Pay Me
Offline
Posts: 1024
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:46 am
Wins: 11
Losses: 6
Location: 831, California

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by Loon E Lou »

This shit is dope man. Nice flow all throughout.u had good breath points for the fasr flow u had goin. Only thing i can say about it is laybe jus tightening up the flow a little. U have good rhythem to ur delivery, jus a lil tighter on it would be complete. Dope drop either way man

[ Post made via Mobile Device ] Image
User avatar
NeverOddOrEven
The Prophet of Poetry
Offline
Posts: 96
Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:20 am
Wins: 3
No Shows: 1

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by NeverOddOrEven »

appreciate the feed
User avatar
MonuMental
Hairy Scoundrel
Offline
Posts: 528
Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:09 pm
Location: Leland, MS

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by MonuMental »

Definitely dope as hell, man, flow was tight as fuck and the content was delivered nicely with slick lyrics and a nice flow presence. Track went well, too. Maybe a slight slurring of a word ending once or twice, but that's nothing on the overall song. Dope work. Stay up.
[center]Peel back the facade and behold a bold insanity,
With no repose or vanity, composed of inhumanity.[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Image[/center]
[center]Illest Awards For 2011:
Text MC of the Year- MonuMental
Class of 2011- MonuMental, Enlightend, 3rd String, CBK, and Pest
Writer of the Year- MonuMental
Written of the Year- MonuMental 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'[/center]

[center]a-series-of-unfortunate-events-vt23866.html[/center]
Squalid
Potential Emcee
Offline
Posts: 36
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 2:54 am

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by Squalid »

Now this is what I call hip hop. It may not have been the most entertaining track, but It was speaking real shit. I liked what you were saying, and actually started enjoying it later as i kept hearing it.

Good job bro, may want to try getting better quality for future tracks. But cool song none the less, played it a third time lol.
User avatar
HKX
Hard-Kore-X
Offline
Posts: 1132
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 6:34 pm
Wins: 3
Losses: 0
Location: Chi-Town, Cicero/Aurora, ILL STATE
Contact:

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by HKX »

Dis 1 was much better then da previous 1 like my homie Loon E said & like I told u on da previous song u posted work on da fast flow a lil 2 get it down right sounds like u almost got it on lock once u have it on lock you'll be able 2 mess wit it & trust me you'll enjoy it more & create new things

Facebook Music Page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/HKX-Ha ... 8754264962
Reverbnation: http://www.reverbnation.com/hkx
Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/hkx
Search For Me On Datpiff.com: http://www.datpiff.com/mixtapes-search. ... eyword:HKX
Latest Album Dropped: Da Essence
Image
User avatar
Disain
Potential Emcee
Offline
Posts: 39
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2011 1:20 am

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by Disain »

Wish i could rap in the style you got. Sounds real good!
User avatar
Nell
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 10:45 pm

Re: Hoping For Change

Post by Nell »

nice drop here, flow was pretty legit, nice multies aswell, made me enjoy the lyrics etc, fairly decent prsense and delivery, maybe could of been slightly better in certain point, but no one bro. digging it.
Post Reply

Return to “The Booth”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Semrush [Bot] and 2 guests