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9 Texts We Hope You Didn’t Send Your Valentine

It’s no secret that women have a lot to deal with when it comes to the online dating world. From demands for nudes to constant comparisons and daily psychos, it’s no wonder that the number of women planning to never marry or have children is on the rise. Some still give it their best shot, but most end up feeling as though trying to find ‘the one’ in this day and age is a frivolous task.

That feeling tends to kick into high gear around this time of year. Valentines Day tends to go one of a few ways – Either you don’t celebrate at all, you’re disappointed that you do, or – on very rare occasions – the planets and stars align in such a way that you end up actually having a good night and getting laid.

Fellas, if you’d like to fall into that last category, please refrain from sending these sorts messages to any woman you like. I don’t care how drunk or desperate you are, these sorts of things are not okay and give a bad name to real men everywhere. Hopefully last night worked out for you! If not, consider this post educational material for next year.

Me, I’m a nice guy

Pro Tip: Actual nice guys don’t advertise how nice they are. Women everywhere know this and will hightail it out of the conversation as fast as they can. The above is a prime example of why.

That sucks; I’m horny

If she tells you that she’s in the hospital and you’re up texting her at 6am (thinking about how open those hospital gowns are), you could at least ask her how she’s feeling before cryptically asking her to polish your knob.

I think you should go kill yourself

If you haven’t even met her yet, you have no right to request she end her life. Also, rape jokes are incredibly distasteful.

Feminism is a plague to society

It’s understandable to want a response when you send a message to someone, but if you don’t get one the mature thing to do is just move on. Sending increasingly aggressive messages not only makes you sound like a psycho, it also pretty much guarantees that you’re going to be put on blast (which will further decrease the amount of messages you receive).

And when I call her out she calls ME a creep?

Another tip: Buying someone flowers does not mean that they need to strip down and service you. Stalking someone for months and then calling them out on something you shouldn’t have known doesn’t make you sound smart or cool, it makes you sound creepy.

Also, writing a crazy post about the experience – in your own words – does not make you sound like “the kindest of men”.


I think I know why she blocked you…

When I say I am nice…

If you’re nice, she’s going to figure it out. Telling her that you’re nice is just going to send off alarms. Also, let her do her own homework – Something tells me she might do a better job than u.

I like fedoras

I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but it seems that fedoras are now universally accepted as douchebag headwear. I don’t care how original you think you are; I don’t care that you’ve liked them since before liking them was a thing; I don’t care how much cool you think it is, she thinks it’s red flag so leave it at home.

Oh, and whether or not she’s a lesbian is irrelevant.

I’m not a rapist

This is another one of those things that you just want to let her figure out on her own. Who exactly are you trying to convince?

For other examples of texts you shouldn’t have sent, click here.

What’s the weirdest/creepiest/most aggressive text you’ve ever sent or received?


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